Liztips: Round III

Here are some more tips from me that will improve your life!


For the first two rounds of Liztips, click here and here. 

• When writing a To-Do List, always write some things which you have already done so you have things to cross-off. NEVER FAIL! 
• Always do your laundry before you pack. Otherwise you have to unpack your packing, and launder your laundry, then re-pack. FUCK.
• When you buy birthday presents for people, always buy something for yourself, because if they can have something nice, then so can you! uR w0rTh iT, GuRL xoxo
• Drink whiquila. Whisky and tequila is the perfect mixture of angry and horny. You should shot it to Eye of the Tiger, or maybe Blaze of Glory or something similar. 
• Never live somewhere where you can't pee freely in your own backyard. (Sean's dad told Sean. Then Sean told me!)
• Whenever you're home alone, eat mac 'n' cheese with a glass of milk. If it worked for Kevin McCallister, it will work for you. 
• Never buy apples in bulk bags of 52. They're small, shitty, and the bag is like a bruise machine. 
• Salt is not the opposite of sugar. Nor is sugar the opposite of salt. 
• Don't have two beers and then sit on the bus for an hour. Your bladder is not that big.
• Listen to Nickelback just so you know that you should never listen to Nickelback. 
• Potato on pizza = Better than expected. 
• Call things by old names like 'worsted' and 'haberdashery' and 'nightertale' then people might think you're from the late middle ages (or even that you're an alien!). This is always a fun game. 
• Hate Florida until it gives you a reason to like it. 
• Hate mowing the lawn until it gives you a reason to like it.
• Be skinny because society tells you to. And....go!

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Do leprechauns make leprechaun-sized shoes or people-sized shoes? Don't go try telling me leprechauns don't exist. 
• Kine is the plural of cow‽‽
• Flo Rida is from Florida. See what he did there? 
• The next post will be in the form of Power Point Presentation. WOOOOOP!!!
• Shortbread is from the 12th century. Why the fuck are we still eating it? Bleck.
• WATCH THIS NOW PLEASE

The internetz is funny. Look:

While it says 'Resolved Question', there was no suitable answer at all. Hmm.

Gotta go. It's Saturday night and I'm obviously doing exciting things.

Laterzzzzz

Liz Tritops

xoxo