I Like Salt On My Food

There's two kinds of people in the world. People who like salt, and people who don't.  


Salt is pretty kewl. Unless you're a snail (Osmosis - you gotta watch that shit).


What's worse than soggy hot chips?
Unsalted soggy hot chips. 


Salt and vins. Probably the best flavour ever invented.


Veruca Salt. She's ok. Miss Salt gets to stand on an Eggdictator. Someone please get me one of those.  Who else can demand a squirrel and get one? Squirrels really do melt my heart. Not gonna lie: I've never seen one. IRRELEVANT. They have bright eyes and bushy tails and I just like 'em.  


Salt. Tequila. Lemon. Fuck. In that order. It's a well-known fact that tequila makes everyone horny ∴ salt makes shit happen. 

But LOOK! 


Exhibit A - Morton Salt.

Logo: When it rains, it pours.
The Morton Salt girl is a babe. 
She doesn't care that it's raining because she's going places. AND SHE'S GOT SALT MOTHAFUCKA. But when she arrives, she's gonna freak out 'coz there ain't gonna be no salt left. And she'll be like yo nigga where da salt at INTERROBANG. 
Apparently, you know that it's good salt because despite the wet conditions, the salt can be poured freely. 


Exhibit B - Cerebos.

Me with the Salt. I'm seeing how it runs
whist looking like a maniac. 

Logo: See How It Runs. 
I was quite confused about the logo and the picture so my friend Matt and I entered into some important correspondence.


Here is the email:


To whom it may concern

After substantial time being stationary on our kitchen table, we have come to question the significance of the label on your salt container. We are curious to understand what 'see how it runs' means. Like the child on the label, if we eat iodised table salt, can we too have a munted hand like the poor child who is running, or will we be able to run as fast as he is running to catch the 'chicken'? Why do you think he wants to catch the chicken, and how will pouring salt on the chicken aid his plight? 

What is the relationship between iodised table salt and 'How Does It Run'?

A graph will appreciated or other appropriate infographics. 

We eagerly await your response. 

Kind Regards

Matthew and Liz 

P.S. We enjoy putting salt our food as much as any other person who isn't worried about their cardiac function. Please feel free to send some samplers of Cerebos salt to the following address so we can enjoy it as much as you do! 

Here is her response (LOL at how she ignored Matthew): 

Dear Liz

Thank you for taking the time to email us about our salt packaging.

You are not alone in wondering what the boy, the chicken and the salt story is - we often have requests just like yours and the impressions vary widely.

We have attached the Cerebos Salt Of Life Story for your enjoyment.

The salt helped the child to recover his vitality and a joy of life and and the picture was a light humoured tribute to the involuntary hero of the story.  We trust that this answers your very welcome question.

Kind regards

Alice Thornton  

The attached story was possibly the most boring thing I have ever read, and it didn't even start to explain how the boy was an 'involuntary hero'. Ever. Also, no free salt samples were received and I was highly dissapointed at the lack of any graph or other visual aid. Suffice it to say I will not be buying Cerebos salt again. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Buy something from the foreign food isle. You might not know what it is or what it does but I think you should eat it. Bonus points if there's no english on the label. 
• How does one go about inventing ballet?
• 'Fish in the sea you know how I feel'. No. I don't think they do. 
• Watch this! 

Tune in next week yo. 

xoxo 

Liz Tritops