Liztips: Round I

Hi. Here are some Liztips. Liztips are life tips brought to you by Liz.


After reading this you will probably become much more awesome than you were before.


You're welcome.

• Normal lines at the supermarket are sometimes shorter than those 'express' lines. Humbling, or ironic?
• Never underestimate liquidity. 
• To climb up stairs really quickly, you could just run. That would be boring. Try using all your limbs.
• If you're wanting to scratch an itch, use something sharp. Using a motorcycle helmet is not ideal.
• If you're thirsty, you WILL want two drinks. Most people go to the kitchen because they realise that they need hydration. So you get a beverage and skull it. Then you go and sit your arse back on the couch. But you were so thirsty before that one drink doesn't cut it, so you have to get up and get another one. ALWAYS bring one back to the couch with you first time. Come on kids, it's not difficult. I call this the 'two drink rule'. Simple, but effective.
• If you really hate someone, teach them to recognise bad kerning.
• If you're a dinosaur, three horns are always better than two. 
• 'I'll pick up those next time' is not always the best philosophy when referring to tampons.
• Monopoly. ORANGE STREETS. Every time. 
• You may think that fruit for pudding is boring. It is. 
• I've told you this before, but you should still always know where your towel is. 
• If you see a Christmas sweater and it's not Christmas time, buy it anyway. Soon, it will be a Christmas and you will have more fun in an appropriately-themed sweater. 

On the triceratops 


Some people think the triceratops isn't actually a real dinosaur. This is slander, and you shouldn't believe them. Here's why the triceratops is my favourite dinosaur: 

• You know how I just told you that three horns are better than two? Well... 
• Four legs are also better than two. 
• Here's a quote from some famous palentologist guy: "It is hard to walk out into the Hell Creek Formation and not stumble upon a Triceratops weathering out of a hillside." MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. 
• They were covered in bristles. None of this 'feather' shit that other dinosaurs had.
• This little guy was ok. 

Other thoughts from me this week: 

• Never put yoghurt potles in with your school books. Exploding yoghurt not only ruins school books, but it will also ruin the rest of your day. 
• Ham and cheese sandwiches = the quiet achiever of the sandwich world. Unpretentious, yet classic and effective.
• You know the voice of Optimus Prime and voice of Eeyore‽ SAME GUY. I'm not even kidding. For the record, Eeyore is the biggest fun sponge. Here are some aweful things Eeyore says: "After all, what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow."    "There are those who will wish you good morning. If it is a good morning, which I doubt."
• Watch this. 

I hope you're having a great day. I might have some more Liztips for you another day.

Take care

Liz Tritops

xoxo