Here are some things I wish for:
- I wish I could draw. I don't think I would ever want to be a serious artist because they usually have fucked-up childhoods and are all dark and twisty on the inside. I just wish I were better than I was when I was six. Here's a fun Lizfact: Sometimes I didn't even draw pictures. I would just draw rows of coloured dots. Maybe I lacked imagination, maybe I have OCD.
- I wish peanut butter didn't stick to the top of my mouth.
- I wish my flatmate knew where Montana was and that New Hampshire was a state.
- I wish I could fold fitted sheets. And non-fitted sheets. I don't even understand how people can fold things which are three-times their size.
- I wish I didn't have the hangovers of a 40 year-old.
- I wish I had more dreams. Apparently we all have around five dreams per night or some shit but I never remember mine, and if I do they're always in black and white. This makes me a little sad. I'm gonna try and eat heaps and heaps of cheese before I go to bed and then maybe I will dream more. Then I can make a graph of cheese-eating relative to dream clarity. It will be a cute science experiment and I'm a nerd.
- I wish more people used the interrobang. It was created to fill a gap in our punctuation system. Let's fill that gap, dammit!
- I wish I were as brilliant as Jon Favreau.
- I wish the yummy cereals with all the sugar didn't try to rip your mouth apart.
- I wish there were more traffic circles here. Or roundabouts. Whatever you call 'em.
- I wish my eggs and toast were always ready at the same time.
- I wish I didn't find cigarettes so enjoyable.
- I wish everyone knew that Batman was better than all the other superheroes.
- I wish...you know when it's snowed for real and it's night-time but it's not super dark but all bluey and weird outside because the darkness is reflecting on the snow. Or something. And the air smells crisp and clean and everything is more quiet. Yeah. I wish for that.
- I wish more people had a favourite dinosaur.
- I wish I could have a dog. Right now.
- I wish it were more common to wear nice hats and gloves. Especially for men.
- I wish I didn't fuck around waiting for my tea to be cold enough to drink then BAM it's really cold so I have to make another one.
- I like yoga. I really do. I wish they didn't say things which verge on being ridiculous and which make me wanna giggle, like 'take a moment to thank yourself for honoring your commitment this space and your body today.' Seriously. You two in the corner: You saw each other yesterday, so why are you doing the whole-body hug with eyes closed thing? It's as if you just survived being eaten by a bear in the woods and you ran separate ways, but you made it to yoga just in time and you're seeing each other again for the first time. Alive. I just want to stretch and maybe feel a little fuzzy on the inside, and be a little less fat.
- I wish I knew the difference between port, starboard, bow, and stern. You know the game Captain's Coming? I was such a little sheep.
- I wish they didn't make a Mighty Ducks 3.
- I wish for cheesecake. Right now.
- I wish Pluto wasn't kicked out of the planet club. I feel bad for that little guy.
- I wish roller blades were perpetually cool. Kinda like skateboards. Because I think they deserve it.
- I wish more people knew that tofu tastes good.
- I wish nuts were never added to chocolate.
- I wish we could pretend that aeroplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. LOL JK.
- I wish girls could wear ties and not look like lesbians or like they're tryna be punk rockers. I LIKE TIES, DAMMIT.
- I wish I could bump into the guy who writes Books of Adam. He lives in Portland and I think his name might be Adam. We could talk about fun things.
- I wish I had the time and constant supply of baking things to bake something perfect everyday and share it with YOU.
- I wish that the cheese in America didn't just taste like texture.
Other thoughts from me this week:
- I like how the homeless people here have dogs; the dogs look happy and not super hungry.
- All the men here are 30-ish or gay. I'm outa luck. You can shake an apple tree as much as you want, but you're never gonna get bananas to fall. I just made that up. You like it? Wisdom from Liz is called Lizdom.
- Have you ever said 'I'm not hungry' to Grandma? Didn't think so.
- This will either be the best part of your day or something else. Let's face it, you're not busy and important enough to say no to 1:42 of awesome. Watch it!
I have to go to work now.
Have a good day!!!
Liz Tritops
xoxo
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