More Things I DO NOT Have a Boner For

Hey you!


You know how much I love lists. I had to write another one. 
Here are some things I don't like. Maybe you don't like them either. 

• Folding fitted sheets. I raise a glass to anyone who can do this successfully without getting into the foetal position in the corner of the bedroom, filled with feelings of self-loathing and misery. I can't even fold non-fitted sheets. Clearly I am not a real grown-up. 
• When you know you have to get up really early in the morning so already you're missing out on sleep and you wake up 10 times in the night because you're worried about not getting up in time and you're all like 'OH FUCK IT'S 10.30AM AND I HAD TO BE ON THE PLANE AT 8AM SO MY LIFE IS OVER!' but it's only actually 4am so you can continue living, but you will be tired for the rest of the year. 
• Misuse of the words 'humbling' and 'ironic'. Unless it's ironic. 
• There are too many sandwich fillings in my sandwich. Logistical nightmare to eat. WHADUP first world problem. 
• The Dr Oz Show. Watch one episode and you will realise you have more than half of the symptoms of 22 different illnesses (including the 'c' word). You will definitely be dead soon, but don't worry, at least you're not one of the pre-menopausal mothers in the audience wearing different coloured pastel t-shirts. YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR PAPS SMEARED OR MAYBE YOU WILL EVEN DIE TOMORROW!
• Food with a paste texture. Pâté, wasabi, peanut butter, etc. I really wish I could eat peanut butter but I don't like the 'stuck to the inside of my mouth for ten minutes' feeling.
• There are more than 150 Pokemon. Stop it. Just stop. 
• Referring to a group as a 'crew'. However, if you're on water or in outer-space then this is ok. 
• Every time I'm in bed I lose my phone somewhere within the pillows/sheets/blankets/my one teddybearcowthing and it takes 27 minutes for me to find it. 
• When rice risotto is the only vegetarian option on the menu. ANYTHING but rice risotto would be fine. 
• When you think you can parallel park into a space that's slightly too small so you try and park and you fuck it up and you look like a huge dick in front of ALL THE OTHER CARS.
• Kony 2012.
• Ignore that. I'm not getting political on here. 
• If you press the 'I want to cross the road' button a million times will make the little green man come up faster. It's true. 
• Wind. It's as if the whole atmosphere is angry at your entire body for doing nothing wrong. It's harder to walk and impossible to have nice hair. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Remember: Always know where your towel is. 
• What the fuck is Yahtzee and does anyone in the world even play it? 
• I might not know how to fold sheets, but at least I don't spit when I talk. 
• South Korea. Better than North Korea? 
• Here's something you should watch. 

Thanks for stopping by.

Have a good week!

Liz Tritops 

xoxo