There Are Too Many Words

Sometimes I hear or read words and I don't know what they mean. I make up definitions in my head for them which are not at all correct. Here are some of them:


Appalachian Trail = A walk you go on to meet God. It's probably through the desert. But there's a patch which is really rainy and windy; to make shit tough. You're definitely riding on a donkey.

Chit = A banana-flavoured mint that is tiny and takes forever to dissolve and you can't even crunch it to get rid of it but you have to have one everyday.

Cantaloupe = A walk that's something between a frolic and a skip. It helps spread happiness.

Wolfberry = A berry. It looks like a wolf. Maybe it looks a tiny bit like this:

Astroturf = A playground which you can find in outer-space!!!

Fracking = When you get so angry you can shatter things with your eyes.

Mongoloid = A hybrid made when a Mongolian and a trapezoid create offspring. (Like other hybrids, it's sterile. Obviously.)

Cooneyite = A very tiny hedgehog.

Fanboydom = A town which is only made up of small children who are obsessed with superheroes.

Star anise = The pokemon which comes after Staryu and Starmie.

Incheon = Someone who has eyes slightly too close together. Not quite close enough for them to look rapey, but too close for you to be able to trust them.

Kaiser = A type of bread with all the grains and seeds inside it.

Superfluous = Anything with a soft and fluffy texture. Example: "This pool of marshmallows is exceedingly superfluous! Let's bounce in AND on it!"

Keffiyah = Latifah. Shaniqua. Latoya. Laquisha. Bonquisha. Lisquisha.

Terrapins = Cheeky holes in the ground which make small children break their ankles.

Lumpen = A contagious disease you get when homeless people look at you. If you're not homeless then you're just a carrier. If you become homeless, you can spread it.

Tapenade = Breast milk. From witches.

Larceny= When you lie to someone about something seemingly trivial, like what the time is or what they're cooking for dinner (it's a really big deal and you should never lie about these kinds of things.)

Pastiche = Frosting/icing which is soooo good that it's impossible for anyone to make. (Meg Treadwell, can you make pastiche?)

Laxity = When there's so much gravity that there isn't even any gravity anymore.

Domicile = An amazing line of dominoes.

Taciturn = A machine which turns PLAY-DOH into anything you want it to be. ANYTHING.

Kerchief = It's an onomatopoeia. Unicorns go 'ker-chief' when they sneeze.

Stim = A person who is wider than they are tall. I guess it's like a chode, but it's a person.

Even though I know what some of these words mean now, I still think of the other things instead because I'm strange. 


Other thoughts from me this week:

• I think it would be nice if hobos still carried bindles. 
• Drink water if you're thirsty.
• When I was a child I was scared of robbers and murderers instead of monsters under the bed. Robbers and murderers are real. Monsters under the bed are probably not. Liz at age five = Smarter than the average. 
• 56% are wrong. Get naked. 
• Watch this!

That's all for today.

Bye. Stay cool.

Liz Tritops

xoxo