How I Get Points

I play a game with myself to make life better.

Basically, I get a point for doing or seeing certain things. If I get 10 points, I get to eat icecream. This is fantastic, because I really like icecream.

How I accrue a point:

• I eat cheese. Note: If I eat more than one 'cheese unit' I don't get more than one point. 
• I see a squirrel.
• I see an animal which I have never seen before. Let's go to the zoo!
• I wake up just before my alarm goes off.
• I go for a run when it's dark and I don't get attacked by clowns, rapists, or drop bears.
• I think about someone who I never see and then I see them on the same day!
• I eat icecream.
• I get to say hello to a new dog that I haven't said hello to before.
• I see a penny farthing. 
• I see someone in a pinstripe suit. 
• I can hold my breath until the bus comes (usually I start holding my breath when the bus is between one and two minutes away). Yes I catch the bus sometimes. No I am not smelly or angry.
• I have i-Tunes on shuffle when there are people around and an embarrassing song doesn't play. 
• I see a man order a hot chocolate.
• I see a someone smoking a cigar.

See the 7th bullet point? Look what I did! So if I already have nine points then all I have to do is eat icecream then I get more icecream. WHADDUP GENIUS. 

I still haven't got to 10 points.

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Party-pooper. That's a weird thing to say. Imagine someone who just goes into a party, shits on the floor, and then leaves. 
• I never had a rubber duck as a bath toy. Who even did? Was I missing out? Was a rubby ducky that quintessential of a bathtime play-thang? OMG bath toys existed! I haven't even thought about bath toys in years. I guess it's one of those thingys where if you are not a child and don't have one, you never talk about or even see bathtoys. Kids gotta play, right.
• Would chicken toes sell as well as chicken fingers?
• I really really really miss baking things. 
• What was up with this craze? 
• Watch this! It's real cute!

I gotta go now. 

Well, not really.

I don't have to work today. So I'm gonna sleep some more and watch Community and read and write. YAY!

Lots of love

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Liztips: Round II

I already wrote some Liztips. You can find them here. 


I thought of some more. 

• You CAN wear underwear for two days in a row. Just make sure you turn it inside out. 
• If you have turned on one of the elements on the stove but the thing you want to heat up hasn't heated up yet, you may have turned the wrong hot plate on. Waiting for 20 minutes and wondering why your water hasn't boiled won't help the situation. The little pictures by the dial on the stove are actually small maps of the stove top and indicate which dial corresponds to which hot plate. IT'S NOT THAT HARD, LIZ. 
• Let morons be morons. Simple yet effective. (I stole this from Rubbo. Hey Rubbo. I hope you don't mind.)
• If you go to bed drunk, don't take three bags of Cheez-Its and three bags of Fritos to bed because you will only eat one bag of Fritos. (I stole this from Reece. Hey Reece. I don't care if you do mind.)
• When out having fun at night time, cigarrettes and drinks cancel each other out.
• Also, when out having fun at night time, take as many photos of you and your friends as possible and post them on the book of faces the next day. You will look like you're having fun but you actually won't be having fun because you're too busy taking photos.
• If you are a hipster, scarves will make you both warm in the winter AND cool in the summer. MAGIC. 
• If you want to really piss someone off, simply lie about the time. 
• Don't go to Starbucks.
• If you spell 'definitely' wrong and you spell-check it to 'defiantly', don't worry. Defiantly is a stronger version of definitely. Obviously. 
• Socks come in sets of two for a reason. They're meant to be together. Wear socks like a pro. 
• You can never eat too much cheese. Unless you don't like cheese. Then, you're weird. 
• This is about to turn the culinary world upside-down. Here goes! It is best to use a hand-held cake mixer to smash potatoes and to use a potato smasher to mix cake. 
• If you get given a ridiculous but awesome dinosaur hat for your birthday, you must wear it out to dinner. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• It's actually okay to like that Follow Me song by Uncle Kracker. 
• Do you think birds take naps like people do? 
• Imagine if this really existed!
• I turned 23 today. BLARG. 
• A group of monks is called a 'party'. LOL
• WATCH THIS! I MEAN IT!

That's all.

Have a great week. 

BYE!

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Supermarkets and Airports

I like these two places heaps. I hope you do too! 


The Supermarket:

• I often like to live my life by the rule of 'try everything once'. This includes food. To make my trips to the supermarket much more interesting I always buy something I have never had before. This can be anything from canned chestnuts to durians to weird Asian drinks which come in a can and I don't even know what they are called or what the ingredients are. Usually, I just try and buy one new thing each time. I would have so much fun if I got too excited and I would go on a shopping trip which consisted of 'only buying new things' (easy for me to do this now that I am in America). Last time I brought a new thing it was buckwheat and it was really gross. I feel like buckwheat might have been slave food? I'm not a slave.  
• When I go home and put ALL THIS FOOD in my pantry I'm gonna have so much more food than you and I can choose what I'm gonna eat. Often I think about making a meal but I have sooo many options that I never end up making anything. Pretty much, I sample all the things that I have just brought. I don't know why I do this; obviously I'm excited that I have so many options, but it's not as though I have to check to make sure it's not poisonous, and unless I'm doing the TRY EVERYTHING ONCE RULE mentioned above then I already know what it tastes like. 
• Sometimes I fill my trolly with apples and bananas and tomatoes and avocados and weird blends of milk like coconut and almond at the same time! This is because I guess I try and be healthy. THEN when I see people with their trollies filled up with potato chips and sausages and soft drink and chocolate I can get my judgmental face on and feel really good about myself. Sometimes, I look in all the trollies and if I'm the healthiest person based on the goods in my trolly then I win! What do I win? I dunno. Probably a carrot. Yay. 
• This one time, I saw a gender question with his/her trolly filled up with soy milk and rice crackers. Only. It had around 12 cartons of soy milk and 30 packets of rice crackers. NO LIE. 
• I like a place which brings together everyone. If you're in a supermarket in the middle of a city, it usually knows no bounds of race and class...heck, even gender. When in Portlandia, it is not safe to assume something is a man or a woman.  
• I find talking to the checkout operator good fun. I try and be pleasant and make them chuckle, because I know what it's like to be in their shoes and people generally suck. 

The Airport:

• Some people are grumpy and tired and I find it kinda amusing, because even if I'm at an airport and very tired I'm never grumpy because I'M AT AN AIRPORT!
• I like big spaces and seeing people going to places; getting shit done. Also, everything feels so sterile.
• You can sit and watch people come through the arrivals gate and greet their family and/or friends who they love heaps and may not have seen for quite some time. It makes my heart feel happy.
• There are also other people to watch too. 
• When I'm at an airport I'm usually going somewhere to have some kind of adventure. So not only am I about to have an amazing time, I'm also gonna get to take-off, eat aeroplane food, and land!!!
• Just like an inner-city supermarket, airports are very multicultural. I like to play a game called 'guess the nationality'. It involves guessing the nationality. I pick a person or two, stare at them for not quite long enough to be a creeper, and then I stand by them and/or follow them and try and see where they are from based on accent, language, or by trying to read their passport. If I get it right, I get 10 points. 
• Those little cars going around on the tarmac look like tiny bugs going nuts!!
• Tarmac. It's quite big. Tar-penetration macadam. Fuckingfuck. I didn't know that was a word! 
• Going up the downescalator and down the upescalator. 
• Kidding. I'm not a child anymore. 
• I take a little bit of joy watching people who are shit at airports. Listen buddy, you know that the luggage limit is 23 kgs. No, you can't take more things than that, and if you do, you have to pay for it. Taking all your clothes out of your suitcase and repacking them in a different order will not change the weight of your suitcase. Yeh, let's see how many jackets you really can wear at one time! IT MIGHT BE 6! This guy wore 155 shirts! 
• This might seem weird but being in an airport makes me feel really rich. 
• It's ok to wear ridiculously comfy pants. 
• If your flight is delayed you get to stay at the airport even longer! In your comfy pants!!!

Other thoughts from me this week:

• You should play this game. It's called Cheese or Font. I'm quite bad at it. I think it would be great to design a font and a type of cheese with the same name, and then you wouldn't lose. This wouldn't take me too long since I'm an excellent typographer AND cheesemaker, dontchaknow.  
• I wish we could have mini-bears as pets. For example: There are wolves and we keep smaller versions of them (dogs) as pets. There are tigers and lions and cheetahs and other big cats and we keep smaller versions of them (cats) as pets. I don't see why we can't do the same thing with bears. This guy I work with (WHADUP Ryan) informed me that we can't do that because there actually aren't any tiny bear-like things which even exist. I told him that surely we can domesticate them to be smaller and just breed the smaller ones until they keep getting smaller and smaller. I hope this is true?
• I miss carpet. It's so soft underfoot. 
• How long does it take to travel 80 miles/hour? Watch this! 

BYE!

Thank you for reading. I hope you had fun.

Liz Tritops

xoxo