I Went Home Yay!

Hey guys. 
Long time no chat. 

The last few months has been odd for me. I was home for the whole month of December! It was nice to see my people again but I was also hiding under an awkward stress cloud. I struggle to embrace the concept of being funemployed. 
Then BAM! I found one a job. It was in Seoul. I now live in Seoul. 
I live in a place called Gangnam. My building has two or three plastic surgery clinics in it. Yesterday, I thought about going outside to buy soy milk, but then I saw what kind of pants I was wearing. Had I been anywhere else in the world, I may have gone in track-pants. Hell, I may have even gone in NO pants. (Assuming pants-off Friday.) But when in Gangnam...
The last few months has led me to reevaluate my life a little bit, because I have been rather poor. 
From now on I will lead a more stingy life and regularly look at pie graphs. I hope I am still a fun person.  
I've taken to working on many side-projects. The thing is, I have so many side-projects but so little time, and I am real excited about all of them all that I feel a little spastic. I'm almost thinking about trying a weird sleep cycle again. I wrote a little about this here. PLAY LIFE, guys. Do science with yourself. I dare you. 

Here are some things that happened at home: 

• I went to the supermarket that I used to work at in hope that I would see a few people who used to work there 9 years ago. I do this so I can see that I have progressed more than them. Two of them were still there.
• When I remind myself that I'm unemployed, I remember that I'm a judgmental, jobless bitch. 
• But I did need to go to the supermarket. 
• Every time I see my parents I swear that they know how to use the internetz even less than they did the time before. 
• My mother has awful calendars in at least three rooms of the house. They all have terrible pictures. Example: Cats looking curiously at Christmas trees. Another example: Poor people in India. 
• What I don't get is that my mother isn't even THAT old. Don't have you have to be over 60 to put a calendar on the toilet door? 
• I saw some people I like. One of my friends made me walk too much (I hate walking. It's so unproductive. It's neither good exercise, nor a speedy way to get places), but I still like her so I guess that means a lot.
• I made chocolate mousse from smooshed avocados and tofu. Father ate it and said it tasted good. Then BAM! I told him what it was made out of. Boy, did I show him! If there's one thing I enjoy in life, it's surprising people with nutrients. 
• For the first time, I came home to no animals. I didn't like that. I like all the animals, ever. Except some cats are shit, and birds and horses are a bit scary too.  
• Nek minnit, Dad gets a cat. It's scared AND friendly.
• Nothing so interesting happened at home. 

Other thoughts from me this week recently: 

• One of my friends was quite late this one time. She blamed it on Tater Tots. They were cooking. She wanted to eat them. Now, I hate tardiness. I looothe it. But then I thought, if there is a valid excuse for being late, Tater Tots is it. Then, you can call them Later Tots. 
• I have this thing that I really wanna do. Basically, I wanna know would feel like to be a dinosaur or reptile and be born. So I want someone to make an egg for me and have it be the same relative strength where it is just as tough for me to break out of as it is for a new-born reptile. I guess it can be sticky and gross if you want...I just wanna see what it's like. If anyone knows anyone who can make this happen...
• Would you rather be a Planeteer with an actual power, or be Ma-Ti because he has a spider monkey? 

Watch this video I chose for you:

Thanks for reading about me

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Liztips: Round II

I already wrote some Liztips. You can find them here. 


I thought of some more. 

• You CAN wear underwear for two days in a row. Just make sure you turn it inside out. 
• If you have turned on one of the elements on the stove but the thing you want to heat up hasn't heated up yet, you may have turned the wrong hot plate on. Waiting for 20 minutes and wondering why your water hasn't boiled won't help the situation. The little pictures by the dial on the stove are actually small maps of the stove top and indicate which dial corresponds to which hot plate. IT'S NOT THAT HARD, LIZ. 
• Let morons be morons. Simple yet effective. (I stole this from Rubbo. Hey Rubbo. I hope you don't mind.)
• If you go to bed drunk, don't take three bags of Cheez-Its and three bags of Fritos to bed because you will only eat one bag of Fritos. (I stole this from Reece. Hey Reece. I don't care if you do mind.)
• When out having fun at night time, cigarrettes and drinks cancel each other out.
• Also, when out having fun at night time, take as many photos of you and your friends as possible and post them on the book of faces the next day. You will look like you're having fun but you actually won't be having fun because you're too busy taking photos.
• If you are a hipster, scarves will make you both warm in the winter AND cool in the summer. MAGIC. 
• If you want to really piss someone off, simply lie about the time. 
• Don't go to Starbucks.
• If you spell 'definitely' wrong and you spell-check it to 'defiantly', don't worry. Defiantly is a stronger version of definitely. Obviously. 
• Socks come in sets of two for a reason. They're meant to be together. Wear socks like a pro. 
• You can never eat too much cheese. Unless you don't like cheese. Then, you're weird. 
• This is about to turn the culinary world upside-down. Here goes! It is best to use a hand-held cake mixer to smash potatoes and to use a potato smasher to mix cake. 
• If you get given a ridiculous but awesome dinosaur hat for your birthday, you must wear it out to dinner. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• It's actually okay to like that Follow Me song by Uncle Kracker. 
• Do you think birds take naps like people do? 
• Imagine if this really existed!
• I turned 23 today. BLARG. 
• A group of monks is called a 'party'. LOL
• WATCH THIS! I MEAN IT!

That's all.

Have a great week. 

BYE!

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Why I Think America is OK

Hi!


I'm gonna write about the USA now. This is not something I will do very often, because sometimes cultural comparisons make people fight-y. Hence why the list is made up of trivial things. I LIKE AMERICA AND I LIKE NEW ZEALAND!!! OK??? 


Here are some things which I like about this place:

• The butter in the fridge is always soft. How does it do this???
• Squirrels exist (they don't come out when it's raining though, and it rains ALOT in Portland). If I see a squirrel, I get a point. If I get 10 points in a day, I get icecream. I can get points for other things also. I might tell you about this game on another day. Germans can't say 'squirrel'. 
• They have these carrots which come in bags and they're baby sized but peeled. Apparently they aren't actually baby carrots, but regular sized carrots which have been put through these machines and they come out much more small. No more cutting carrot sticks!!! 
• There are many yellow school buses. I guess I knew that they existed, but I always thought that they were over-represented in movies and on the Simpsons and in those books about The Magic School Bus, for some kind of 'yellow school bus nostalgia' effect; but they're actually everywhere. When travelling from Portland to Salem, I saw where the school buses slept, and there must have been around 500 yellow school buses located in one small location! THAT'S HEAPS!
• Tater tots. They're tasty as. I could write about the food here for years. But all I'm gonna say about this is that now I understand why Napoleon carried them in his pocket. 
• People who look like they might be trying to be pirates. So far, I have seen many of them. They're either guys with bandanas and pierced-ears, or long hair and beards and cargo pants. Pirates invented cargo pants because they needed all the pockets they could get. I think the mullet in New Zealand is like the pirate in the US. 
• Homeless people have dogs as pets and they look quite happy.
• Seeing baseball parks. I don't quite know why I like this so much, maybe it's because they're differently shaped and there's a little mound where the pitcher stands and for some reason I think that's nifty. 
• There are fewer annoying birds; I haven't seen any seagulls yet.
• The way that people from some states seem to hate other states. Often it seems irrational. For example: "Nothing fucking happens in Alabama." I'm sure many, many, many things happen on a daily basis in Alabama. Five million people live there. Also: "People in Minnesota remind me of badly smashed potatoes. Lumpy and white."    (I actually kinda hate Florida. Don't tell anyone.)
• You can keep a snake or a chimpanzee as a pet if you want to. Wouldn't recommend the chimpanzee.  One day, when I have far to much money, I'm going to keep otters as pets. Probably in my moat. They hold hands when they sleep so they don't drift away. This is not a joke. If you click this link, you will die of cute. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• I thought that Gatorade was spelt like 'gator aid' and it was a kind of drink that would also aid alligators. To fight or something. Now I feel funny about Gatorade because I don't know what it stands for or what the premise is. 
• I've always wanted to do that thing where you make the recipes out of the jelly beans on the Jelly Belly packaging. Does strawberry shortcake really taste like strawberry shortcake? I don't know. I don't feel ok about not knowing. 
• Are guinea pigs really 90s pets? Or is it just that it was the 90s when I was the appropriate age to own a guinea pig? FUCK. 
• Watch this!

Bye bye. Thanks for reading!

Much love

Liz Tritops

xoxo