Here are some reasons why I think Hoarders is the GREATEST:
- Some people keep chainsaws in their kitchen cupboards.
- This lady's all like: "Be careful with my collection of garden magazines from 1957". Said collection has literally been lying under rat shit.
- Sometimes the background music sounds like the music off Home Alone when Kevin is boobytrapping the house.
- Many of the hoarders invariably fail at sorting their things out. As Wes Anderson taught us, failure is always more interesting than success. At the end of the show, sometimes it will tell you something like "Child Protective Services decided that Wendy is still a malicious hoarder and she cannot have her children back. Wendy had a heart attack under a pile of newly acquired boxes six weeks ago." Then I think, what the fuck did I just spend an hour watching? I like that it's real. So real.
- Sometimes there are cute husbands who haven't divorced their hoarder wives yet because they really love them. 'Til death and all that.
- Sad is refreshing. I was watching this special on animal hoarders, and there was this old lesbian couple who decided it was their mission to save all the animals of the world. Maybe like Noah's Ark but without the ark, and without Noah. In turn, they had so many animals that they couldn't look after any of them and they were all starving and manky and barky.
- Here is a tag line for one of the episodes: 'Every room in Phyllis' house is packed with dolls. Her obsession has manifested itself into a floor to ceiling collection of bags stuffed with dolls, and a doll hospital in a spare bedroom where she "amputates" the limbs.' HOW COULD YOU NOT WATCH THAT?
Here are some quotes and pictures if you wanna see!!
From someone, in some episode: "She prefers to be alone. I think the collecting of things is kind of... her people."
BUY A GRAMMAR!
Look! This slipper was half-eaten by a rat! Why do you have it‽‽‽
The guys who work on the clean-up team are hilarious. In one episode, Kerrylea was crying because there was a missing piece of a broken tile which she needed to glue the tile back together. This is Kerrylea:
She kinda sucks at life. Also, her name is Kerrylea.
One of the clean-up boys was all like: "We probably just threw out the piece of tile because...um...it was a broken piece of tile." Just by looking at his face you know he's thinking 'I wanna through out all this junk and get the eff out of here I hate my life.'
Scandals like this happen:
SCANDAL! DISASTROUS!
No, you can't press play. It's just a silly screenshot.
"My name is Gary and I'm unemployed. Yeah, I got too many bunnies."
Also from Gary: "I've never done nothing wrong in my life. Misdemeanors, yeah, that's growing up and stuff like that. What did I do wrong? I have bunnies. That's what I did wrong."
"Peanut butter jars are NOT construction supplies!" - A daughter to her father.
Check out this lady:
She was already a hoarder. Then she decides that she's going to get some crystals to help with her hoarding. Nek minnit, she is hoarding crystals. Oh the irony.
I hope you appreciate all the research which has gone into this show. Primarily, this entailed watching Hoarders for hours.
Other thoughts from me this week:
- Last night I had a dream where I went to the doctor's and they gave me breast implants. (I don't know who 'they' were.) I woke up and had to make sure I didn't have too much boob because I didn't know if I was dreaming. In the dream my nipples were in funny places. It was bizarre.
- My flatmate brought toast cutter that makes a piece of toast into two dinosaurs! I LOVE HER! Not only does it dinosaur, it also multiplies! (I just made dinosaur into a verb. That happened.)
- I'm going to run in a half marathon soon. Then a full marathon. I will turn awesome! I'm also going to be one of those annoying people who will want to show people my toned thighs and tell them how I love to leave parties early and get up at 5am to run for two hours when it's pissing down with rain. I know THEY WON'T GET IT!
- Watch this! It's from Pokemon.
I gotta go.
I will write again sooooon.
Liz Tritops
xoxo
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