- I thought I was invincible at Cluedo. One day, I lost, and I haven't played since. This is not just because it's not everyday that you get offered the chance to participate in the second best board game, but also I'm scared because I don't know exactly who I am anymore. I thought I could figure out all the clues, dammit. Half the time, it's that bitch Mrs. White.
- A flying fox is not just a freaking awesome piece of playground, but also an animal. You can even call them megabats if you want. Isn't that great? LOOK AT THE PICTURE!
- I have this theory about fruit that I may have told you before. If the effort involved in eating a particular piece of fruit outweighs the deliciousness of eating it, then it's a no-go. Think sticky hands. Think juice going everywhere. Think rind under fingernails. Think seeds and pips in teeth. Think where the blimin' heck do I put the skin? I've seen enough Vaudville to both appreciate the potential slapstick value in the banana skin but also realise the danger. As an economics student who loves cost and benefit and all those nerdy things, I contemplated my theory for quite some time. Many graphs and equations were made. Well, not really. That being said, I honestly thought that the humble grapefruit was dead to me. Then, I discovered the GRAPEFRUIT SPOON! Great invention, guys. It's like the superhero of the utensil world. Hell, why can't these spoons be wearing capes?
- I thought those Glacé cherries were made out of some kind of edible plastic. I now know they're REAL cherries. (I guess‽)
- I was wrong about going to step class. For me, this is never a good idea. Today, I accidentally kicked a girl in the head.
- After listening to Mumford and Sons repeatedly on the way to and from Canada, I realised that the song 'Lion Man' could actually be about a lion-man hybrid. Most of the lyrics point to yes.
- Duct tape is not called 'duck tape'. However, there is a brand of duct tape called 'Duck tape'. Well played.
- I just want Alicia Keys (and Jay-Z, for that matter) to tell me what a wet dream tomato is.
- The Who was not wondering what it was like to be Batman behind blue eyes.
- I always thought mayonnaise was yucky.
- Wait. I got that right. Mayonnaise IS yucky.
- Since playing The Oregon Trail, I thought certain diseases sounded trivial. A typical conversation in the wagon would go like this: "Ma, I can't eat this stewed rabbit just this minute. Don't worry, I'll be done with my cholera soon." Cholera is actually quite bad.
- You are allowed to return the baby birds to the nests if you see them stranded. Don't worry, their mums will still like them. I've never seen a baby bird stranded though. Where are they at?
- I have been looking for a substitute for Griffin's Gingernuts dunked in a milky cup of tea. I'm starting to worry that no substitute exists.
- Getting drunk WILL give me a notorious hangover and I will be shit at work the next day or I just won't even be able to move for 12 hours. Life is NOT like it used to be when I was 16 and a milkshake and a slice of pizza would make me feel 110% again so I could continue being passive-aggressive with my parents and GO.
- Sex in a Subaru doesn't count.
- Is it three or four musketeers? Did they even have muskets? To me it just sounds like they should be little mice. Who are armed. With muskets. Did they already make a sequel to Stewart Little?
- Being in a plane adds at least one star to crappy movies, and it adds all five stars to RuPaul's Drag Race and Extreme Couponing.
- Lending books is never just lending them. Imagine you are giving away free gifts, therefore you must realise that you will never see them again.
Other things from me this week:
- It's time to start baking again. This week I will attempt a pumpkin pie because of this 'America' thing that I am doing right now. Maybe I'll do it with real pumpkin instead of the instant pumpkin that 'they' use. Do you know why? I'm not a cheater, that's why. (I hope you're not allergic to my pretentiousness. To be fair, I think I'm only 2% pretentious.) Also, next time you see me I will be the size of a house, because if you make the pie, you gotta eat the pie.
- I learned about a new dinosaur. It's in my top five.
- Playing Bingo with old people will also happen soon and I will most likely write a report on it. Old people are actually great.
- We have Christmas lights up. It's not Christmas time yet but a) Bitchez need to see the things in their lounge, and b) Christmas lights are fun, as is Christmas. Speaking of which, I need to find a dashing Christmas jumper for the harsh Oregon winter. Ha.
- You should probably watch this. Consider it your homework.
Bye guys and thanks for reading.
xoxo
Liz Tritops
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