I Don't Go To Work Today

Most days I go to work, but some days, I don't.

A day off in the life of Liz is not as exciting as it should be. Warning: Writing about to-do list features heavily, however actually doing things on to-do list doesn't happen so much. 

Here is what I do:

• Make to-do list
• On to-do list, put down a few things that I did last night and cross them off. That way, I will not feel like a total failure today. 
• Make list of food that I like from other countries. Why? Because I like lists, and I like food.  Feel sad that I will never be in one place where it is easy to obtain all of these foods. List contains dulce de leche, mangos all the time and I want at least one a day but for 20c only, mango sticky rice, more mangos, milo, peanut butter cups, empanadas, Gingernuts, Ben and Jerry's, Marmite, this really good beer that I had in Canada and no I am never turning into a beer snob but it was actually amazing. 
• Who is this Honey Boo Boo character? Research must be done.
• Watch episode.
• Regret decision. 
• Realise I cannot concentrate on actual things without a clean workspace.
• Clean workspace.
• Clean more things, because I can't just clean one thing. Clean thing is making dirty things look even dirtier in comparison. 
• I want to run.
• Remember that I can't run and get angry about it.
• I could do some other kind of exercise right? Or I could angrily eat candy corn instead. 
• Choose the latter. 
• Check news from home. On front cover of news website will invariably be a picture of a six-year-old boy who found a rusty old coin in his neighbour's garden. 
• How do I make quinoa really fluffy? Apparently quinoa has recently gone mainstream. Do I even want it anymore? It used to be the grain 'you've probably never heard of'. Currently imagining tiny quinoa thingies with moustaches and fixies. 
• Do personal admin, such as replying to emails and balancing my books. I need a personal assistant STAT.  
• Make grocery list. Yes, grocery list is on to-do list. So right now I have a to-do list of to-do lists. Brilliant. 
• Don't bother putting empanadas or mango sticky rice on grocery list. 
• Find sleeping bag because it's cold.
• Make tea because it's still cold AND bitchez love tea. 
• Get drunk and ask all the boys if I'm pretty. 
• LOL JK.
• Eat quinoa, but it isn't as fluffy as predicted. It's okay though, I guess. Fluffy isn't even my favourite texture of food so don't worry. At least it didn't turn into a paste. I think I like gummy things the best.
• Take photo of grocery list? Will it look backwards on Photo Booth? Is it like a mirror? How does that even work? Why do I look so weird on Photo Booth?
• Pull silly face.
• Take photo.
• Repeat.
• Shit. Photo Booth DOES do the backwards mirror thing. Use camera. 
• Show grocery list to you guys because I'm so narcissistic.
• I'm doing this thing where I listen to all the music on my iTunes and delete the stuff that I don't want. I do this because sometimes my music is on shuffle and some indie electronic crap will come on. Song might not even have any words, which means I don't know how I should feel inside. I have no idea how the heck it got on my iTunes and who even sings it. Where I was going with this is right now I'm up to the part where my favourite christmas carol is being sung by N Sync a cappella-style so yes I'm okay right now. And yes, this song is a keeper.  
• Go to supermarket. Still getting distracted by all the American things, especially in the cereal isle and the candy isle. And the frozen isle.
• Write on to-do list things that I did this morning which weren't already on to-do list, so I feel as though I have stuck to to-do list. Yes, I even put 'eat candy corn' and 'shower' on to-do list. 
• Go and play in trampoline park in Portland because bouncing should always be fun, no matter how old you are. Trampoline park was on to-do list. Also, every day off needs at least one fun activity. 

THE END

Here is my grocery list:

I hope you like it. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• I think a great way to exert superiority is to start calling people 'serfs' and 'bastards' (but in a loving way). Let's bring those words back.  
• MUST.BUY.CHRISTMAS.JUMPER.
• This week I learned that dogs can get stuck when they are mating. Apparently there are two kinds of people in the world: those who know about this and those who don't. Half the people I told this were all like 'No shit, Liz. You're dumb. Have you been living under a rock?' The other half were just as surprised as me. So yeah. That happens. You're welcome. 
• Here. Watch this. Cat's are dogs, too.

Have a great week

Bye

Liz Tritops

xoxo