My 100 Favorite Things - Part III

Hi!! 


I have come to accept that I have too many things which I get REALLY EXCITED about to stop at 100. So there will definitely be four installments. If you haven't read one through 28 and 29 through 55, you can find them here, and here. Also, I'm sorry about the lactating link last week. I don't know what I was thinking. ("1" is actually "56". I hate computers and don't speak HTML fluently. Blah blah blah.)


Let's get down to business...

1. Putting EVERYTHING (cinnamon, chocolate, vanilla, nutmeg, etc..) on top of my cappuccino because it's there and I can. 
2. Seeing American tourists with safari pants, or sneans, a bumbag (fanny-pack) , a beer belly, and an old baseball cap.
3. Taking the stairs and thinking that I'm better than the people who take the lift. 
4. Doing nothing on a rainy day. 
5. Pinstripe suits.
6. Sporcle. One day I will get ALL the countries because I am a nerd. 
7. Getting that tiny seed or corn string thing out from between your teeth after 47 minutes of trying.
8. Nigella Lawson. She has no idea what she does to me. 
9. Meta humour.
10. Hot sauce. On almost everything. 
11. Seeing farm vehicles in cities. WHAT ARE THEY DOING THERE‽‽‽
12. When kids run really fast with their heavy backpacks on because they're late for school, and if they don't get there in the next 2.5 seconds they will definitely implode. PANIC!!!
13. A cigar for a good reason. Yeah I'm a girl. And I like cigars. Fucking sue me. 
14. Matching underwear. 
15. Brian Griffin. Why have a regular dog when you can have an intellectual dog? 
16. Portmanteaux.
17. The Olympics. If my life was perfect I would take holidays during the Olympics and park my arse in front of the TV all day to soak up sport I never get to see. I love the purity and simplicity of some of the events - Who can lift the heaviest shit? Who can run really really fast over a very very small distance? 
18. Seeing big people in small cars.
19. When you boil an egg and you want it to be soft and you crack the top off and it's perfectly runny so you add salt, dip strips of buttered bread into the yolk, and call them soldiers! And then nothing can possibly ruin your day because you're so freaking good at timing your eggs!!!
20. Not having a hangover after deserving one. This doesn't usually happen to me. I get double-hangovers; they're bad even when I don't deserve it.
21. Brunch with friends after a sleep-in. 
22. Moats. I don't understand why rich people don't have moats instead of security alarms. Duh. 
23. Graham Norton and his show. 
24. When a stranger thinks you and your friend are having an hilarious conversation.
25. The idea of half-time oranges. I don't actually like eating oranges at half-time though. Who wants to eat orange segments in the middle of a football game? But the sharing is nice; everyone takes a turn to bring them! There's always the one kid who forgets though, and it's probably the guy with the permanently snotty nose. 
26. Airports. They feel sterile and I like that. I also enjoy people watching. The arrivals lounge is the best because people have happy feelings. 
27. Fresh snow. It's white, pretty, and it confuses both cats AND dogs.
28. Cats and dogs eh? I like it when they're friends with each other. 

I have to go now. 

Jokes. I have nothing to do with my life.

Have a great day

Bye bye

xoxo Liz Tritops 

My Ultimate Team of Five

It's about time I posted. I've had my mind on other things - mostly the stress/excitement of moving countries and big life change wank wank wank. BTW, I  smell. You know when you tell people you smell but you don't really mean you smell, you've just gotten slightly sweaty and you want to complain, but you still smell nice. Well, I ACTUALLY SMELL RIGHT NOW. Babe'n. 


I'm getting that thing where I haven't slept or eaten much and I've only had coffee and I'm all twitchy and weird. 


Today I decided on something called 'My Ultimate Team of Five'. Maybe 'UTF' for short. Don't know why it's five. Maybe it's because five people is the best number for a group of people to achieve things, like the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. Also Westlife originally had five members, but if you tell anyone I like them I will FUCKINGKILLYOU. Basically, you can choose five characters from ANYTHING to make up a crime-fighting/play-time/tomfoolery gang.


My Ultimate Team of Five:


Batman
Squirtle
Harry Potter
Nigel Thornberry
Chewbacca 


Who would you choose? 


Other thoughts from me this week:

• Brushing your teeth in the shower? Don't do it. It's weird and warm. 
• I still haven't learnt how to do cryptic crosswords yet.
• I think the world would be slightly better if we reverted back to paperlunchbags and glassmilkbottles. The idea of a milkman is also rather nice. I don't care if it's inefficient; I don't mind paying a little extra.  
• On the topic of milk, watch this. You'll laugh, and you'll be disturbed. 

That's all. 


I like you.


xoxo Liz Tritops 

My 100 Favorite Things - Part II

Hey you!

Here are some more things which I like. It's a continuation of this list. 

29. Watching animals stretch. Check out this little guy. Is he even a dog? 
30. Handheld transceivers. Tin can telephones - also fun.  
31. Pachyderms. I think they're pretty special. You look at them and think 'you're just a big grey blob'. True... but there's nothing else quite like them.
32. Streakers at sport. Surprise nudity is almost always excellent. 
33. Seeing angry people in the rain.
34. Avocado. I hadn't even tried avocado until I was 15 or something. I've got 15 years of avocado eating to catch up on. 
35. SOMEONE BUILD ME A TREEHOUSE BECAUSE I WANT ONE.  
36. When you eat something that's so spicy and it hurts heaps and you have to chug milk and then you know everything's going to be okay because you don't die.
37. Squirtle. It's a turtle that can squirt. Very clever. 
38. Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. But NOT Home Alone 3 or Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House. I won't lie to you and tell you that I have seen the fourth installment. I'm sure it's equally as offensive as Home Alone 3. 
39. Vodka.
40. Being inside a sleeping bag inside a tent inside a room (with vodka is even more excellent. And maybe some other people too because sometimes I like people. (Optional extra.))
41. Crappy Powerpoint presentations which you had to make when you were a kid and your teachers probably thought they were good because they didn't know what technology was and you could spend 10 hours chatting to your friends on MSN Messenger lmao rofl (pl). (pl) was the emoticon for plate. NO LIE. Why would you ever even send that to anyone‽ 'Oh hey Tom! Here have a virtual plate! (pl) LOL.'  Meanwhile, back at the Batcave, the rest of the time you played with WordArt and probably made titles that utilised the 'bend' effect and had ALL the colours. You thought they were KEWL. 
42. Getting pudding when you weren't expecting it. (Fruit doesn't count. Unless it's mango. Maybe.) 
43. When a song is sooo much more than 'just a song' because it's a MOTHAFUCKING DUET!!!! I like interaction. Duets are underrated. 
44. Seeing poor children smile. 
45. When you bump into someone that you know from one place but you're both in a different place. And you're all like 'Wow! What the eff are you doing here' and shit gets CRAY-ZEE.
46. Wes Anderson films. I like his colours and the dry humour. And then BAM he makes up a sport which should exist in real life. Whackbat is like the perfect child of cricket and Calvinball.  
47. Calvinball. I wish Calvinball masks were mandatory in day-to-day activities. 
48. Troy and Abed. I want Troy to marry me and I want Abed to be my friend. PLEASE. PICK ME PICK ME. 
49. Piñatas. You're blind, you try and hit something with a stick, people laugh at you, you try and hit something with stick again, you maybe break it, you get lots of lollies. Great progression. Simple, but effective. 
50. When you're driving through an intersection and you sneeze and you don't die. 
51. When I brush my teeth, floss my teeth, and do the mouthwash-thing all in the same oral hygiene session. It's like an oral hygiene orgasm.
52. Highland cattle. They're so ridiculous looking. 
53. Wearing a sports uniform because I'm in a team and I like sport. 
54. When I bake a cake that looks good AND tastes good. 
55. Super-muscly children from former Soviet countries. I don't really know if they exist very often, but I like to think they do. 

Here are some children. They are poor but still smiling! 

Smiling Bolivian Children

Smiling Thai Child

In other news:

This week a teenager said to me: "You must like Eminem because you have a really good vocabulary." Wow. Fairplay, kid. 

I am in Auckland today. I have an important interview for my Visa to let me work in the USA tomorrow so I'm a little nervous! I hope they're not cunts about the process. 
I also get to see some people who I think are okay, and it's much warmer here. 




I should sleep now. BYE!

The Potato Person

Two weeks ago, I blogged about Peanut Person. 

Here is a story about Potato Person. 

I'm living with my friend Rose over summer. Sometimes we go on 'adventures', and by adventures, I mean mundane activities such as trips to the supermarket. We decided we needed more food, so we went to Pak n Save. I find Pak n Save a little offensive. Apparently it has 'NZ's lowest food prices' which is great; it also has NZ's highest self-esteem boost, because you can go in there and be guaranteed to be surrounded by people who have worse lives than you. In that way, it's a little like watching the Jeremy Kyle Show, or The Steve Wilkos Show. 

There are many bad things about Pak n Save. Apparently, if you 'pak' the groceries into bags yourself, you save them labour costs, thus you can 'save' on various generic brand food items. GREAT. To the lady who is buying six big bottles of diet orange soft drink: just because it's cheap doesn't mean you should buy it. They only have massive trollies, maybe because they want you to buy the whole store. If you want to buy anything nice, like hummus that is flavoured like Moroccan carrot or some shit, you won't be able to find it, because Pak n Save wants you to believe that you can't have nice things. 

It was pissing down with rain, so Rose and I sat in the car for around 40 minutes before making the car-to-store dash with our angry faces on.  We didn't want to deal with people.

Chunky lady in t-shirt two sizes too small: "Those things look like nectarines, but they're kinda fuzzy."

Skinny lady in sneans: "I think they're peaches."

We also didn't want to deal with decisions about food. 

Rose: "Do you think we should get 23 cans of tomatoes?"

Me: "Um...I dunno. I guess we will eat them eventually."

Rose: "They're only 14c a can. We may as well."

Me: "Ok. Fine."

Rose: "We're gonna get really sick of canned tomatoes."

Me: "Yeah, nah, ...all good. They're SUCH A BARGAN LET'S BUY THEM ALL!" 

Rose: "Ok, maybe we should get five more".

Me: "Why don't we talk about it for another half-hour?"

...Rose and Liz continue to talk about canned tomatoes for half an hour...

Also, I wasn't wearing waterproof shoes, which pretty much ruined my life because once my socks get wet during car-to-store dash, it was all over. My feet would never be dry again, and I was a little more aggravated.  Everyone in Pak n Save smelt damp. 

And then...we stumbled across this gem. Much like the decision to buy a bajillion cans of tomatoes, we also decided to buy 10kg of potatoes. WE MUST FILL THE VERY BIG TROLLY! 

This is what I thought to myself: 'Liz. You know yourself better than anyone else. When you have the strength to ask for more even after being knocked down countless times, there is nothing you can't achieve.' LOLJK. I don't think thoughts like that. 
I thought to myself: 'Liz. You know yourself better than anyone else, and you're not really a potato person. But if you SMASH them, or cut them into pieces and roast them to make chippies, they could be quite palatable'.   

Look what was on the bag:

It's an actual POTATO PERSON. 

What the shit LOLCAT.

Is it a man or woman? 

I can't answer you that. It's up there with life's big questions such as 'what makes bubblegum flavour taste like bubblegum?' 

All I know is that her name is Desirée, and s/he is gorgeous.  

Other thoughts from me this week:

• I am going to learn how to do cryptic crosswords so that I feel smart and accomplished. Whenever I tell myself this, I get one from the paper and end up staring at the clues for hours and never figuring out even one. (By hours, I mean approx. three minutes, because that's how awesome my attention span is.)
• I don't like when people put a 't' on the end of EFTPOS. It's NOT pronounced 'eftpost'. People are dumb. Oh, and 'often' has a 't' in it. DO YOU SEE IT‽
• I saw a chicken patty that looked like a dinosaur the other day. Almost the best day ever. 
• I've realised that I might be a synesthete. I think this makes me sound like I'm a small insect with extra claw-y legs, or a member of an obscure religion from mars. But what I really mean is that I may have synesthesia. I saw an apple on TV and then I literally could smell an apple. I'M MAGIC. This kind of thing has happened a few times since. 
• Watch this!