How I Know I Am Not A Real Adult

I'm 23. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Here's why:

• Star charts are not only pretty, but they also help me achive things. My flatmate and I made a star chart and we get stars for doing exercise and we call it Starwars!! 
• I don't wash my colours separately. Is that a thing people are supposed to do or a thing Mum told us to do because she thought that it would be a fun game and maybe we can learn colours better if we put our laundry in the appropriate basket? When I was a kid we had a laundry chute for a while. That was fun. Only problem was the laundry chute didn't connect to anything. Duh. 
• I refuse to buy envelopes, so I pay my rent cheque in a carefully folded-up piece of paper and write on it 'This is a very professional looking envelope.' It's time to pretend. What else can we do? Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute? Oh hai MGMT. 
• I don't see why there can't be lego to play with EVERYWHERE. Like in cafés. And bars. And at the dentist's. For that matter, lego should be available pretty much anywhere with a reception. I can't think of anything more soothing than being allowed to play with lego before getting your cunt waxed or your teeth pulled. I hope you agree!
• Fairy bread is still great. Fairy bread is a common children's birthday party treat in New Zealand. It's white sandwich bread cut into triangles and covered with sprinkles/Hundreds and Thousands. Very fun! 
• How does one go about folding sheets if one's arms are not 2m long? 
• How are farts STILL funny?
• 40-proof 'adult' chocolate milk. Chocolate milk in general. 
• What the hell do you even put fennel with?
• When walking past a playground, and seeing that there are available swings to swing on, not taking this opportunity to swing on them is like saying a big fuck you to everything fun in the world. 
• I think grown ups own wine glasses, and maybe a decent set of knives. I own neither. If you're a 'better' adult (let's call it a 'Level 2' adult), you even get to go to a specialised knife shop to buy your set of knives, and you use each knife for it's correct purpose. All I know is that the smallest knife is awesome for opening OtterPops. 
• Don't I need a pen that I carry around with me so that I can act all wanky and sign with my own $400 thing? 
• Sometimes I still go to work hungover. When this happens, I tend to make very little effort with my appearance, because hungover bitchez don't deserve mascara, in the same way that if you don't do your homework, you don't deserve to plaaay. 
• Always cut toast into smaller pieces, because a whole piece of toast is actually quite big to pick up and is weird to hold. 
• I like to eat baby food. 
• Kidding. Did I trick you?
• I still judge boys on their looks rather than their trust funds. Rookie mistake. 
• What's an oil change and why does my Father keep looking at me like I don't know how to take care of my car?
• Never stop building forts. 
• Never stop putting dinosaur stickers on things. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Over the course of the last few days, I have seen not one, but two pretty ladies who have been wearing cute little dresses and look rather nice. Then I see a fluffy yet spiky tuft of armpit hair. Is this a thing? Like, a new thing? Maybe a Portland thing? Answers, please. 
• I didn't really think about anything else this week. Except maybe that 'turquoise' sounds more like an animal than a colour. 
• Watch this! It's kinda icky. 

That's all. I must go back to work now!

LOVEYOUBYE

Liz Tritops

xoxo