New Year blah blah blah...

Apparently it's a new year.

New Year's resolutions are dumb. I'm not keen on them. I think if you genuinly care to make a positive change in your life, it shouldn't matter what day you do it on. All days are created equal. 
I am, however, all about reflection.

Things I learned last year:

• Never be boring. If you stop trying new things then you will become boring. 
• Things I don't like about not being 'settled': I can't have a dog. I can't have nice things to cook/bake with. Who carries a wok in their luggage these days? I can't have a piano. Who carries a piano in their luggage these days? It's hard to play sport.  
• That being said, trampoline dodgeball is one of my new favourite sports. I did play that.
• Tater tots are ze best. 
• Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
• Jail and prison are different things. I feel like I should have learnt this 10 years ago.
• Some movies that were awesome when you were a kid just aren't anymore. Like Josh Kirby...Time Warrior! And like The Indian in the Cupboard. Jumanji? Beethoven's 2nd? Who even knows. The trouble is, it's impossible to know if they're still good without re-watching them. 
• No man should think boobs are always awesome. The hoards of homeless women in Portland exemplify this. 
• "That's hilarious." is apparently an adequate response to ANYTHING. 
• No matter how many Pugs and French Bulldogs I see, I will never stop thinking 'ALIEN DOG!!!' every time. 
• I will never take malaria tablets. They say you're not allowed to have alcohol or sun when you take them. Why go on holiday? To drink water and sit in the shade? I don't think so. I'll take the malaria, thanks. (Hint: I don't have malaria.) 
• Tic Tacs must be eaten in twos. And only in twos. 
• Squirrels are like...real good at jumping and shit...they're athletes. Check it.
• If I am a woman, I only have two options: 

• Did I seriously have sushi only three times? What the heck is wrong with this gurl‽ I will not be making this mistake again.  
• If you use a word that people don't understand, most of them won't ask what it means. Why don't we want to learn things anymore? 

Things I didn't learn last year:

• Wether fabric softener actually softens fabric. 
• If it's 'okay' for me to drink de-caffeinated coffee. It just seems so wrong...
• How to do long division.

Watch this before you go.

Thanks for reading

Liz Tritops

xoxo 

My 100 Favorite Things - Part IV

Hey you! 

This is the final part of my 100 Favourite Things. It turned out to be 112, because I really really like many things. 

1. Feeding the ducks.
2. Men with puppies. 
3. Irish accents. Please find me a man with an Irish accent who is holding a puppy while feeding the ducks. 
4. Venn diagrams and flowcharts. I believe anything can be explained with these.
5. Triceratops. Don't try and tell me it's not actually a dinosaur anymore. Wank torosaurus wank. I also like the stegosaurus, pterodactyl, and pachycephalosaurus. They're the ones who bang their heads when they fight. KEWL. 2 xctd 4 vwls OMG!!!
6. Eating cereal any time of the day. I think cereal for dinner > cereal for breakfast. 
7. Coffee. 
8. Ice hockey. 
9. Michael Cera. Especially in this outfit.  
10. Cheese. If you eat cheese at least once per day you get a point. 
11. Animals doing people things. Examples: Monkeys smoking cigars, guinea pigs on skateboards,  cats sitting like humans, dogs playing poker, etc. Oh, and here is a chimp riding on a segway.  
12. Lego. I liked the older stuff better; the pirate lego was the coolest. I always wanted the massive pirate ship but never got it. First world problems right thur. 
13. Vikings. The only reason Scandinavia is so developed is because they're all vikings. 
14. People-watching. Anywhere, anytime, I will be watching. 
15. If it's at the supermarket, I will definitely be watching AND judging. I love to look in peoples trollies to see what they're getting. If you're getting MONSTER energy drink (you have to yell 'MONSTER'), pre-made pizza, Lynx, Nutri Grain (CORN!!! OATS!!! WHEAT!!! SUGAR!!!), or the TV Guide, then I am probably better at life than you.  
16. The idea that some guy in the 1970s  thought up the idea of a pet rock and he grabbed this idea with both hands and ran with it. 
17. Those two little indents that some people have above their bum.
18. Aeroplane food. I know it's weird. I like it because you never know what you're gonna get. Also, everything comes in it's own little container. 
19. Only washing a pair of jeans three or four times EVER because they feel more comfy a little loose and slightly dirty. 
20. When you wake up a few seconds before your alarm goes off. MAGIC! 
21. Hacky-sac. I don't understand why it isn't perpetually kewl. 
22. Mushrooms. Fun guys. 
23. Laughing at a weird/annoying/funny/angry stranger with another stranger. 
24. When you witness irony. In real-life. Like that one time I saw a massive banana walking down the street and then he slipped on a tiny person skin. 
25. Combine harvesters. They pretty much shit out hay. I almost grew up on a farm, so yeah... I know all about farm machinery and sheep and other things. 
26. Dulce de leche. 
27. Black panthers. Not these guys. They were ok...I guess. I'm talking about THESE guys. 
28. Paintings by Piet Mondrian and other art that's not really pictures. 
29. Putting on underwear (or anything else) after it's come out of the dryer. This should be mandatory on winter mornings. 

LOOK! I made some diagrams to explain some important things. 

I'm gonna go watch the Rangers win now. You know I like hockey.

LOVEYOUBYE

Liz Tritops xoxo

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