I Really Suck at Packing

I'm going to Chicago tomorrow to see some friends and do some other fun things (I don't know what these things will be, but one of my best habits is making nearly everything fun, so I smell success!). Also, I just brought a million new socks, so everywhere I walk will feel really soft.


It is around 11PM. I should be packing. Often I get really really excited about packing because I'm usually going to have an adventure. 


This is how I pack right now:

• Discuss with everyone that I'm about to leave to have fun without them. 
• Go into room and think 'Liz. You should make a list.'
• Rethink list idea, based on the fact that I only had one suitcase when I came to America. Surely I can just look around bedroom and bathroom and grab things that I might need for a week. It's only a week, right? I don't have many things to look at and decide. Process should be simple.  
• Apparently it's not. 
• Get worried when I realise that I haven't washed my clothing yet. Shitfuck. 
• Wish I had a maid to wash my clothing for me. 
• Make Pros and Cons list about wether it would be better to have my washing done for the rest of my life or have my meals cooked for me for the rest of my life. Get confused because the pros of one list are the cons of the other. WHAT'S HAPPENING‽ 
• Put washing in machine. Because let's get real, I don't have a fucking maid.
• Boil water to make cup of tea. 
• Have conversation with flatmate about why babies don't need IDs to get on planes. We decided they didn't need IDs because they're not counted as real people since they don't have to pay. Also decided that baby IDs would probably be silly because they might all look the same. Why then, do Asians have IDs? LOL LOL JK. 
• Get angry that jug doesn't turn off automatically because it makes high-pitched squealing noise like those annoying tea pots which talked to each other on some old cartoon movie that I can't remember what it was called or even what it was about.  
• Realise it's too fucking hot for a cup of tea. Still haven't found an appropriate drink to replace English Breakfast Tea in the summer. THIS IS NOT OK. 
• See this picture of a circle bed which some guy made to look like a hamburger. I really want a round bed. It may be confusing which part to sleep on, but I'm ok with that. I sleep on my face like this: 

• I don't see a logistical problem.
• I don't think there would have been a 'logistical' problem anyway. 
• I like to say things are logistical nightmares, but I hope I am never a person who has to deal with logistical nightmares.  I've kind of secretly always wanted to have a nightmare about logistics so I can say it and really mean it. Like a bad dream about a lorry taking some timber to the wrong port, and then when it eventually goes to the right port the wrong kind of ship has come to get the timber, like a pirate ship. You know what they say: Pirates can't take timber. 
• Resume packing. Grab heaps of things that I will probably need when I am away and put them in a pile in my room. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PUTTING THEM IN APPROPRIATE BAG. For some reason, maybe double handling WILL be efficient. 
• Get super confused about what I will and won't need tomorrow before I leave. Cannot pack toothpaste now. Cannot pack shoes because I will be wearing them. Cannot pack band aids because I haven't made a mini first aid kit. 
• Realise I don't have time to make mini first aid kit. I used to carry first aid supplies around in an empty hair-gel pottle when I was at high school. It was super cute and people would go to me if they wanted plasters or Panadol and I would feel useful and wanted. 
• Get distracted by the internetz when I am learning about luggage policy. On the list of things to be STOWED away during take-off and landing is virtual pets. What if I need to feed my tamagotchi‽ 
• Write list of things I will need to do tomorrow morning. I even write down ridiculously obvious things because I am so overwhelmed by all the things I have to remember not to forget that I might forget the things that I will always remember. Just writing down 'towel' would be ambiguous and may lead to confusion. Must write 'put towel in bag after shower', AND 'shower'. 
• Decide to be defiant to the weather and have cup of tea.
• Take washing out of dryer. 
• Pack running things so I can pretend I will run when I am on holiday.
• Cup of tea has made me really hot. 
• Lie belly-up on the floor because I want to cool down and I feel slightly hopeless. . 
• Eat ice cream because it's hot. This icecream is the one that Stephen Colbert made with the bits of chocolate covered waffle cone and caramel in it. I Am Pole and So Can You. 
• Wonder WTF I am doing eating icecream at 1AM. Simultaneously wonder why I have gained 4kg since coming to America. 
• Maybe I should finish packing tomorrow? By 'finish', I more mean 'start'. 
• Attempt to put things in bag and realise I have probably gathered too many things to take with me. 
• Cry a little on the inside, because I don't know what to take out and leave in.
• Fabric softener that Americans use doesn't soften fabric. I think it just makes things big. That's why my clothes won't fit in my bag. 
• Sleep on couch because I just made bed and I want to come back to it nice and tidy. Also, couch is actually comfier than bed, and lounge is cooler than bedroom. Seriously contemplate moving bedside lamp into lounge. Decide against it, because nek minnit all my things will be in lounge. 
• Go to bed at 2.30AM. 
• Don't sleep very much because I am freaking out that I won't wake up in time to do all the things I have to tomorrow. Also I'm very excited.
• Conclude that I suck at packing. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Hey, let's add peaches and cream and maple syrup and bananas to porridge so it isn't relavent to poor people anymore. 
• How did I live for 22 years without learning that pumpkin is a fruit?  
• I just saw the house that was in Home Alone. Yeah, you should be jealous. 
• This is the best thing since unsliced bread. Watch it! 

GTG BRB LOLZ MUM

Ok bye guys. 

Liz Tritops

xoxo