My 100 Favorite Things - Part V

I know I reached 100, but I thought of some more things which I really, really like! There are so many awesome things! 
You can find my other favourite things by clicking these links:

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV


Here is the fifth installment: 

1. When people carry children on their back becuase they live in the Andes AND it's practical. The cloths are called aguayos and I like them a lot. LOOK! When I was in Bolivia I often wondered at what age it was acceptable to still be carried. Remember when you were a child and you would pretend you were too little and weak to walk but really you were just being a lazy shithead? Same goes for the kids in these cloths. One time, I swear I saw a kid who was pushing seven years. Poor mum. 
2. Mochi icecream. I can't believe I only discovered mochi this year. That means that I have 22 years of mochi icecream-eating to catch up on. 
3. A cappella, but only when men do it. (In 1913, some suffragette living in some place, threw herself under the King's horse. You may have thought this was me. Hint: It wasn't me.)
4. The smell of tent. You might think it's kinda gross because I guess it smells like stale AND damp at the same time, but to me it smells more like memories and happiness and freedom.
5. City lights at night. Especially when there is water. Then you get city lights, water, and city lights coming off the water!
6. Little dogs who aren't of the rat variety and have the attitude of big dogs. 
7. When it's dark outside but it actually isn't, because there is snow on the ground!
8. Believing that Audrey Hepburn invented breakfast. Thanks, babe.
9. Tiny sombreros.
10. Animals wearing tiny sombreros. Here's a hedgehog/furzepig! Here's a thing! Maybe it's a bear‽
11. Sleeping on my face with my limbs flayed everywhere. Is 'flayed' the right word? (Don't tell me to Google that shit. I'm not on my laptop.)
12. Flirty baristas. HELLO! I didn't just come into this cafe to get a 2% capp and a platonic experience.
13. Power ballads. All of us need an emotive chorus from time to time. Don't fight it!
14. Doing a thing that your family did that you keep on doing even though there's no reason behind it and you don't even live with them anymore. SUNDAY NIGHT ICECREAM!
15. The colour of honey when sunlight shines through it. 
16. Sticking your middle finger up to the weather by eating icecream when it's cold and drinking coffee when it's hot. (I feel like I talk about icecream A LOT. Whatever. I like icecream. YOLO, bitchez!)
17. Milkmen and how they used to deliver milk in glass bottles based on how many glass bottles you left out. I guess they got rid of this system because it was inefficient. For once, I say fuck efficiency. I want nostalgia and regular visits from someone just like Tevye. 
18. Going to a new city/town that's just a little bit shit and realising that you're thankful that home is home.
19. When you find things that look like dinosaurs. This one time I saw a chicken fillet thing that looked more like a velociraptor than a chicken fillet thing and it made my life complete. 
20. Santa when he's not white. Asian santa. Black santa. Latino santa. Latino santa looks like a creeper. 
21. Finding some food which has gone bad and deciding to keep it as a science experiment and NOT getting sick by all the spores which are taking over the whole apartment. (Apparently apple butter is supposed to go in the fridge. No big loss. LET'S SEE HOW WEIRD IT CAN GET!)
22. Pretending you're a tortoise when you're having beers, because in tortoise years, you've only had four!
23. When you're carrying something dangerous in your bag like a banana or yoghurt or some juicy food in a flimsy container and it doesn't leak/explode over all your school books or your sweater and ruin your life. 
24. Telling people the answers to yes/no questions in binary.
25. Seeing people run to catch the bus because it isn't you!

I hope you liked my list of things and that you had a great day.

Will blog again sooooon yay!

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Dreams are Free, Bitchez!

I wrote this when I was drunk. It could be the worst thing you will ever read. I hope not!


Here are some things I wish for:

• I wish I could draw. I don't think I would ever want to be a serious artist because they usually have fucked-up childhoods and are all dark and twisty on the inside. I just wish I were better than I was when I was six. Here's a fun Lizfact: Sometimes I didn't even draw pictures. I would just draw rows of coloured dots. Maybe I lacked imagination, maybe I have OCD. 
• I wish peanut butter didn't stick to the top of my mouth.
• I wish my flatmate knew where Montana was and that New Hampshire was a state. 
• I wish I could fold fitted sheets. And non-fitted sheets. I don't even understand how people can fold things which are three-times their size. 
• I wish I didn't have the hangovers of a 40 year-old.
• I wish I had more dreams. Apparently we all have around five dreams per night or some shit but I never remember mine, and if I do they're always in black and white.  This makes me a little sad. I'm gonna try and eat heaps and heaps of cheese before I go to bed and then maybe I will dream more. Then I can make a graph of cheese-eating relative to dream clarity. It will be a cute science experiment and I'm a nerd. 
• I wish more people used the interrobang. It was created to fill a gap in our punctuation system. Let's fill that gap, dammit!
• I wish I were as brilliant as Jon Favreau.
• I wish the yummy cereals with all the sugar didn't try to rip your mouth apart. 
• I wish there were more traffic circles here. Or roundabouts. Whatever you call 'em. 
• I wish my eggs and toast were always ready at the same time.
• I wish I didn't find cigarettes so enjoyable.
• I wish everyone knew that Batman was better than all the other superheroes. 
• I wish...you know when it's snowed for real and it's night-time but it's not super dark but all bluey and weird outside because the darkness is reflecting on the snow. Or something. And the air  smells crisp and clean and everything is more quiet. Yeah. I wish for that. 
• I wish more people had a favourite dinosaur.
• I wish I could have a dog. Right now.
• I wish it were more common to wear nice hats and gloves. Especially for men.
• I wish I didn't fuck around waiting for my tea to be cold enough to drink then BAM it's really cold so I have to make another one.
• I like yoga. I really do. I wish they didn't say things which verge on being ridiculous and which make me wanna giggle, like 'take a moment to thank yourself for honoring your commitment this space and your body today.' Seriously. You two in the corner: You saw each other yesterday, so why are you doing the whole-body hug with eyes closed thing? It's as if you just survived being eaten by a bear in the woods and you ran separate ways, but you made it to yoga just in time and you're seeing each other again for the first time. Alive.                                                                                   I just want to stretch and maybe feel a little fuzzy on the inside, and be a little less fat. 
• I wish I knew the difference between port, starboard, bow, and stern. You know the game Captain's Coming? I was such a little sheep.
• I wish they didn't make a Mighty Ducks 3. 
• I wish for cheesecake. Right now.
• I wish Pluto wasn't kicked out of the planet club. I feel bad for that little guy.
• I wish roller blades were perpetually cool. Kinda like skateboards. Because I think they deserve it.
• I wish more people knew that tofu tastes good. 
• I wish nuts were never added to chocolate.
• I wish we could pretend that aeroplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. LOL JK. 
• I wish girls could wear ties and not look like lesbians or like they're tryna be punk rockers. I LIKE TIES, DAMMIT.
• I wish I could bump into the guy who writes Books of Adam. He lives in Portland and I think his name might be Adam. We could talk about fun things.
• I wish I had the time and constant supply of baking things to bake something perfect everyday and share it with YOU. 
• I wish that the cheese in America didn't just taste like texture. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• I like how the homeless people here have dogs; the dogs look happy and not super hungry.
• All the men here are 30-ish or gay. I'm outa luck. You can shake an apple tree as much as you want, but you're never gonna get bananas to fall. I just made that up. You like it? Wisdom from Liz is called Lizdom. 
• Have you ever said 'I'm not hungry' to Grandma? Didn't think so. 
• This will either be the best part of your day or something else. Let's face it, you're not busy and important enough to say no to 1:42 of awesome. Watch it! 

I have to go to work now.

Have a good day!!! 

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Long Division, Interrobang, and Things I Find Offensive

I have many thoughts and sometimes I like to write them down. Often I babble or go off on tangents. Other times I make venn diagrams or flowcharts or lists. Compiling a flowchart of venn diagrams is pretty much my dream; as of yet I don't have the subject matter or the smarts. Another dream of mine is to be rich enough to wear a new pair of socks every day. My favourite pickup line is "Hey, I'm wearing a new pair of socks!". At first he'll probably be as confused as an American watching Monty Python. But then he'll be all like "WOW! You must be so awesome and comfortable!" That's when I win! 
Also - Boys: If you pick up and you're wearing your cap backwards, you get double points. 


I have a confession. I still don't know how to do long division. I swear from when I was 6 to 12, probably around 20 million different adults tried to teach it to me but I never got it. I could do all the other maths. And all the other kids could do long division. Even the kid with the permanently snotty nose. You know the one. 
This is how I tried to do it:

Here's a list I made. It's called: 


Things I Find Offensive

• People who don't like dogs.
• When people put 'much?' on to the end of adjectives. Hate much? 
• Tyra Banks.
• Personalised number plates. I saw one yesterday which said 'LIE'. On a boy racer car. What are you tryna tell me? You like to lie? You're a compulsive liar?  Is the car a lie? Do you often like to lie down on things? Or are you lying about being a liar? Wait....are you lying about lying about being a liar? Witty.You're so fucking kewl!!!! I bet you have a MASSIVE PENIS. CoMe CRuzN WiT mE Lyk OmG LEtZ GeT FUCkD Up WiT dA BoYZ  LOLZ HuN xoxoxo JK.
• Energy drinks. 
• Xzibit. 
• People who just sit/stand there with their mouths a little too open. Even if they are the smartest kid around it still makes them look they're a fry short of a Happy Meal. Oi you! Close your mouth! 
• Pants which are slightly too short. Next time, put some cream on your shoes and invite your pants down for scones and jam. 
• 'Fragment. (Consider revising)'
• Leaving crumbs in the spread. C'mon. Figure it out. It's not rocket surgery. 
• When I ask someone what their favourite dinosaur is and they say 'I don't really know any dinosaurs'.

‽

I recently discovered the interrobang (probably one of the best days of my life). It's an exclamation mark superimposed on a question mark. Can be used for things such as 'You call that a hat‽' And when you say 'interrobang' you have to shout it and also say it like a question. You should use it. Let's make this big. 

I have to go chop up some fruit now. Thanks for tuning in. 

Liz Tritops