Liztips: Round II

I already wrote some Liztips. You can find them here. 


I thought of some more. 

• You CAN wear underwear for two days in a row. Just make sure you turn it inside out. 
• If you have turned on one of the elements on the stove but the thing you want to heat up hasn't heated up yet, you may have turned the wrong hot plate on. Waiting for 20 minutes and wondering why your water hasn't boiled won't help the situation. The little pictures by the dial on the stove are actually small maps of the stove top and indicate which dial corresponds to which hot plate. IT'S NOT THAT HARD, LIZ. 
• Let morons be morons. Simple yet effective. (I stole this from Rubbo. Hey Rubbo. I hope you don't mind.)
• If you go to bed drunk, don't take three bags of Cheez-Its and three bags of Fritos to bed because you will only eat one bag of Fritos. (I stole this from Reece. Hey Reece. I don't care if you do mind.)
• When out having fun at night time, cigarrettes and drinks cancel each other out.
• Also, when out having fun at night time, take as many photos of you and your friends as possible and post them on the book of faces the next day. You will look like you're having fun but you actually won't be having fun because you're too busy taking photos.
• If you are a hipster, scarves will make you both warm in the winter AND cool in the summer. MAGIC. 
• If you want to really piss someone off, simply lie about the time. 
• Don't go to Starbucks.
• If you spell 'definitely' wrong and you spell-check it to 'defiantly', don't worry. Defiantly is a stronger version of definitely. Obviously. 
• Socks come in sets of two for a reason. They're meant to be together. Wear socks like a pro. 
• You can never eat too much cheese. Unless you don't like cheese. Then, you're weird. 
• This is about to turn the culinary world upside-down. Here goes! It is best to use a hand-held cake mixer to smash potatoes and to use a potato smasher to mix cake. 
• If you get given a ridiculous but awesome dinosaur hat for your birthday, you must wear it out to dinner. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• It's actually okay to like that Follow Me song by Uncle Kracker. 
• Do you think birds take naps like people do? 
• Imagine if this really existed!
• I turned 23 today. BLARG. 
• A group of monks is called a 'party'. LOL
• WATCH THIS! I MEAN IT!

That's all.

Have a great week. 

BYE!

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Long Division, Interrobang, and Things I Find Offensive

I have many thoughts and sometimes I like to write them down. Often I babble or go off on tangents. Other times I make venn diagrams or flowcharts or lists. Compiling a flowchart of venn diagrams is pretty much my dream; as of yet I don't have the subject matter or the smarts. Another dream of mine is to be rich enough to wear a new pair of socks every day. My favourite pickup line is "Hey, I'm wearing a new pair of socks!". At first he'll probably be as confused as an American watching Monty Python. But then he'll be all like "WOW! You must be so awesome and comfortable!" That's when I win! 
Also - Boys: If you pick up and you're wearing your cap backwards, you get double points. 


I have a confession. I still don't know how to do long division. I swear from when I was 6 to 12, probably around 20 million different adults tried to teach it to me but I never got it. I could do all the other maths. And all the other kids could do long division. Even the kid with the permanently snotty nose. You know the one. 
This is how I tried to do it:

Here's a list I made. It's called: 


Things I Find Offensive

• People who don't like dogs.
• When people put 'much?' on to the end of adjectives. Hate much? 
• Tyra Banks.
• Personalised number plates. I saw one yesterday which said 'LIE'. On a boy racer car. What are you tryna tell me? You like to lie? You're a compulsive liar?  Is the car a lie? Do you often like to lie down on things? Or are you lying about being a liar? Wait....are you lying about lying about being a liar? Witty.You're so fucking kewl!!!! I bet you have a MASSIVE PENIS. CoMe CRuzN WiT mE Lyk OmG LEtZ GeT FUCkD Up WiT dA BoYZ  LOLZ HuN xoxoxo JK.
• Energy drinks. 
• Xzibit. 
• People who just sit/stand there with their mouths a little too open. Even if they are the smartest kid around it still makes them look they're a fry short of a Happy Meal. Oi you! Close your mouth! 
• Pants which are slightly too short. Next time, put some cream on your shoes and invite your pants down for scones and jam. 
• 'Fragment. (Consider revising)'
• Leaving crumbs in the spread. C'mon. Figure it out. It's not rocket surgery. 
• When I ask someone what their favourite dinosaur is and they say 'I don't really know any dinosaurs'.

‽

I recently discovered the interrobang (probably one of the best days of my life). It's an exclamation mark superimposed on a question mark. Can be used for things such as 'You call that a hat‽' And when you say 'interrobang' you have to shout it and also say it like a question. You should use it. Let's make this big. 

I have to go chop up some fruit now. Thanks for tuning in. 

Liz Tritops