My friend Matthew asked me a bunch of questions which I quite liked.
Then I thought to myself 'Hey Liz! Why don't you share this‽'
This is his message:
hey Liz,
1.Whats the point of sprinkles on ice cream?
2.if you like chunks in your ice cream are you destined to wear corduroy?
3. have you never seen a squirrel?
4. did you ever go to camp?
5. is it better to wrestle in pudding or jello and why?
6. dicks
7. what is your favourite piece of play ground equipment?
8.pick a date
9 bust a rhyme
10. do you think if you take a child into outter space their head will explode?
11. hows dunners and how ya getting by?
12. why are mullets and rat tails the coolest thing going in nz?
13. what is you some kinda swamp peoples er sumthin?
14. for fuck sake!
THE END
1. What is the point of sprinkles on ice cream?
Well, I think it's mostly aesthetics, because usually sprinkles don't taste that great. Personally I prefer chocolate hail or nuts (I think they're peanuts?) as my sprinkling of choice, which is quite odd because I'm not really a peanut-person.
Allow me to digress.
Digressing...
Ok. Peanut-person. What the frick‽ Whenever someone says 'I'm not really a (insert noun here)-person' I always think of an actual hybrid. For example, a peanut-person is a half-peanut-half-person. If you were to say 'I'm not really a cheese-person' (if you don't like cheese you should probably be shot) then you would be half-cheese half-person.
Illustration Time:
 |
| Peanut Person |
Peanut-person has a monocle because he's stuck in the 1800s. He also has a problem standing up since his feet aren't big enough to support his relatively giant peanut body. Poor little dude. He hates life, but he still forces a smile because he knows that life would be even shittier without friends. Don't try and tell me it's not possible for a peanut-person hybrid. I know that peanuts and humans have the same number of chromosomes.
Digression OVAH.
If there was one thing I would tell ice cream sprinkles, it's that I would rather have sauce instead.
2. If you like chunks in your ice cream are you destined to wear corduroy?
I think yes. The logic speaks for itself.
3. Have you ever seen a squirrel?
No! But I can't wait to see one of those cute, cheeky little rodents! I'll let you know as soon as I do. I already love them with every ounce of my being. This guy 'almost got raped by that squirrel'. WATCH IT!
4. Did you ever go to camp?
I went to camp more times than you could imagine! I went on school camps and ambulance cadet camps and then one time when I was 7-ish I went on a Jesus camp. I think we made WWJD bracelets, but mostly we played fun games and did activities. I got to ride a horse which was ok, except I don't think I'm really a horse-person. Tehe. Sometimes we sang songs about Jesus.
I think What Would Jesus Do‽ is a little unrealistic. If I could, I would turn water into wine, walk on water, and do other amazing water-related things.
Personally, I prefer WWBD‽ (What Would Batman Do‽) Much more feasible.
5. Is it better to wrestle in pudding or jello and why?
I think jello would be nicer to wrestle in because pudding is better to eat. Gosh I love pudding. Finding out you're gonna get pudding when you're not expecting it is in my Top 100 Things.
6. Dicks
Vag.
7. What is your favourite piece of play ground equipment?
Sociable Liz likes the Merry Go Round. It may have a silly name, but you can find some minions to push you around and gosh, centrifugal force is fun.
Anti-social Liz likes the swings. You can do the thang where you spin around so the chains all twisted then you let go and you feel like some kind of spinning superhero. In hindsight it's always dumb because you realise you don't really have a superpower and you just end up freaking out that your hair is gonna get caught in the chain and then your face is gonna rip off and you get really dizzy and useless.
8. Pick a date.
Donald Glover.
Bonus: I get to be friends with Abed.
9. Bust a rhyme.
I'm gonna be that dick, who, during a game of Circle of Death says 'I went to the store and stole an orange/silver/month'. WANKER.
10. Do you think if you take a child into outter space their head will explode?
Definitely. Children are at least ten times more explosive than adults. Good thing I was never a child!
11. Hows dunners and how ya getting by?
I'm doing ok. My life consists of mostly working and sleeping and I'm not playing football or ice hockey or having two standard drinks so it doesn't really sound fun. But I'm so excited about going on my big adventure that I don't even mind.
12. Why are mullets and rat tails the coolest thing going in nz?
I don't know. But it does concern me. Soon everyone will be drinking bourbon and coke from a can, buying EVERYTHING on 30 months interest free, hating fags, and being 'Catholic'. Oh, and I WILL be calling my child Blade and dressing him/her in Ed Hardy. Sigh. Bogans.
13. What is you some kinda swamp peoples er sumthin?
Yes, Matt. We all live in a swamp, and the mullets and rat tails help with buoyancy for when we have to have our bi-annual baths in the swamp. None of us can swim.
14. For fuck sake!
Other thoughts from me this week:
- Instead of buying regular pencils from now on I think I will buy those flat pencils which carpenters use. THEY WILL NEVER ROLL AWAY! Also, when people ask me if I'm a carpenter it will be a great conversation starter. I can either: a) say 'No, I'm not a carpenter but my father is and I use his pencils!' Then they might think I'm Jesus. OR b) say 'Shit yeah I'm a carpenter! I love carpenting things! OR c) I can just start talking about plumbago 'coz it's a cool word.
- A tiger only costs $13,000.
- What's Nemo doing now? Did he get typecast or what‽
- If two ninja turtles had a child together, they'd be pretty gutted if it hatched and it was just a regular turtle.
- This is excellent! Watch it!
I must try and find a real job now.
Bye bye
Liz Tritops
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