My History Teacher

Hello! 


Here is a story about high school.  


I hade an awful social studies/history teacher for four years. She lied to me, and did other silly things like lose her glasses when they were on top of her head. She played with her things too much when she talked; she used to strangle herself a little bit with her necklace and break the pens that she was holding.


This one time we were learning about dykes and I asked her what a volcanic dyke was because I didn't really know. Also I was 14 so I found that kind of thing hilarious. She then went and did a search on the internet for 'dykes'. I like to think SafeSearch was tuned off. 


I think she was a nice lady but probably shouldn't have been a teacher. I would want her as a grandma instead of someone who got us to do posters every week for a year. She was short and fat like Nicole Kidman #2 (see below), wore lots of beads, always wore dresses and skirts instead of pants, and had a hard time being grumpy but a soft time being flustered. She would 'forget' her photocopying, tell us she was going to go back to remember it, then come back 20 minutes later with nothing and pretend nothing had happend, and continue use the word 'actually' a bijaillion times per sentence. She would also start sentences with 'is that'. THIS MAKES NO SENSE! For example, she would say: 'Is that I actually want you to cut out some pictures from these magazines and actually stick them onto a sheet of A3 paper because you will actually learn a lot about history', or 'Is that World War 2 was actually started by Chile and Norway but not many people actually know that this actually happened.'


Here are the three things which I will never forgive her for:

1. She told our class that her daughter looked like Nicole Kidman. One day, I saw her daughter walking through the school and she was short, really fat, and quite unattractive. 
2. She told our class that the Irish potato famine NEVER HAPPENED. Look lady, it happened. I was there. JK JK LOL Trickedya! I wasn't there. But I'm pretty sure that one million people died 'coz the potatoes caught blight. If I were a potato, I wouldn't want blight. It makes you all rotten and shrunken and shitty. I think it's fun to say potato in an Irish accent, mostly because it's the only word I can do. 'pɑteto'. Go on. Try it!
3. She told our class that guerilla warfare was named as such because it's derived from the way gorillas fight. Even my 12 year old self was smart enough to know that she was making things up. Firstly, it's spelt differently. Secondly, gorillas don't attack unless they feel threatened, and they don't really ambush or raid. They just use their fists and it looks a bit like fun. As for guerilla warfare, Che Guevara quite liked explosives. Hey Gorillas! Where are your bombs at?

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Raspberry has a 'p' in it. So does cupboard. It's a board that you put your cups on. 
• Ligers are bigger than both tigers and lions. HOW DO THEY DO IT‽ Also, you can buy a zorse here. (Maybe don't click on that link, It's a terrible site, and it's hard to find how much it will cost me to acquire a zorse. Zorse. Zorse. I love saying that word, even if it's only in my head.)  When I'm a billionaire I will have a zoo filled with hybrids. Zorses, ligers, camas, leopons, grolar bears, geeps, pipizzlies, etc.  The zoo will be open forever (may be unrealistic??? NOTHING CAN BREED). It will be surrounded by a moat because all the hybrids like moats just as much as me. 
• I really don't like teal. It doesn't know if it's blue or green. Come on buddy, figure it out. 
• WATCH THIS!

Bye bye. 

xoxo

Liz Tritops