Day Hacks

Sometimes life can be a bit shit. I know we aren't starving orphans where having no socks is the least of our problems. Let's be realistic. But there are times when daily life can be a little mundane. We wake up. We shower. We commute to work. We work. We commute back home. Blah blah blah. Repeat. Maybe we get to throw in a cheeky impromptu pun, or some tequila, or a game of Twister. Suddenly life becomes a little more fun. Could it be better? Yes. This is where my day hacks come in. 

To break the humdrum of the day-to-day drag, I made a few day hacks which I get maybe a little too excited about. 

Martini Monday
A martini must be taken on any given Monday. The preference is that you dress smart. If I were a man, the ideal outfit would be a pinstripe suit and a fancy hat. I'm not a man, and I don't own a pinstripe suit. I also don't know how I feel about pant suits, but one day I might give it a go. 
One of my friends has a philosophy which goes like this: Dress well, test well. He would dress nicely in hope of this influencing how well he does in his exam. My new philosophy is this: Dress well, martini well. Yeah I just made 'martini' into a verb. DEAL. I haven't actually done Martini Monday yet, and to be fair, I've only had one martini in my life. I don't even think it was a proper martini. My friend and I ordered them at our lodgings in Samoa. I'm pretty sure they didn't know how to make a martini and it was quite rank. 
Martini Monday WILL happen the next Monday, and I'll let you know how it goes for me.  


Whiquila Wednesday 
Whiquila is a drink which I made up. It's a shot of whisky and tequila together! It has all the benefits of both, being that it makes you fun and more fun. The bonus is that it doesn't make you horny or angry or sleepy! It tastes okay, and everyone thinks it's gonna be gross but then I make them take a shot with me and they love it! 


Fun Cereal Friday
I got this idea when I was still in high school. One of my friends Eli and I used to have Pie Day Friday. We would each take turns to buy us both pies from the school canteen. This stopped when we got into a fight about whose turn it was to buy the pies. To this day I swear Eli still owes me three pies. I mean, I'm over it though. Like, I don't even care anymore.
I don't even eat pies so of corse it doesn't even matter. It was eight years ago. 
Also, the pies were making me a little round.
Point is, I decided to do another fun thing on Friday to replace Pie Day Friday which had ended most abruptly. For this I did Fun Cereal Friday which is where I had cocoa pops on Friday because they were more fun than the healthier breakfast I had on the other days.
Now that I am in the States, there is whole new world of cereals available for me to sample every week. Rules: The cereal must look fun (it probably has a puzzle on the back of the package or some kind of cereal mascot like Cap'n Crunch), and it must be quite unhealthy. I'm not supposed to feel wholesome when I'm eating it, I'm supposed to feel slightly rebellious. 
Some of us went through this phase when we left home where we are all like "Screw you, Mum. I can eat whatever I want for breakfast!" So we did. Then we probably stopped. Now I'm starting again. But just on a Friday. Hopefully all the little balls of sugary-coated delight wont all cut my mouth open so much. We all know the cereal rule: The better it tastes, the more it cuts your mouth up.  

Icecream Sunday - See what I did there? Eh? Eeeehh? If you know my points system, you know I get a point when I eat icecream. As a family, we used to have icecream for pudding on Sunday. My brother thought it was kind of dumb. He's all: "Why the fuck can't we have icecream whenever we want?" And then Mum's all: "BECAUSE I SAID SO NAGNAGNAG!" Kidding. She doesn't really sound like that. Whenever Mum wasn't home, we would make Dad give us icecream even on a Wednesday or something CRAZY like that. 
I'm a big fan of the icecream on a Sunday rule. It means that I don't eat it every day, since I know Sunday must be only six or fewer days away.  The great thing about Portland is that there are all kinds of icecream shops where you can get all kinds of different icecream like honey lavender and maple bacon and chevre with bourbon pecan caramel if you're a food snob, and eggnog custard imuststopthisbeforeihaveanicecreamgasm!!!!

I still have three more days of the week to make up day hacks for. I need them to sound snappy. I need it to be fun but easy. Thoughts: Yours please. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• What's up with the patterns on bus seats? Seriously. What are they? 
• Maybe I should just have Angry Thursday. Thursday is my Monday, therefore I don't like it. Nothing good can happen!
• Microwave minute > washing machine minute > normal minute. 
• Watch this please thank you. 

Thanks for reading

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Liztips: Round III

Here are some more tips from me that will improve your life!


For the first two rounds of Liztips, click here and here. 

• When writing a To-Do List, always write some things which you have already done so you have things to cross-off. NEVER FAIL! 
• Always do your laundry before you pack. Otherwise you have to unpack your packing, and launder your laundry, then re-pack. FUCK.
• When you buy birthday presents for people, always buy something for yourself, because if they can have something nice, then so can you! uR w0rTh iT, GuRL xoxo
• Drink whiquila. Whisky and tequila is the perfect mixture of angry and horny. You should shot it to Eye of the Tiger, or maybe Blaze of Glory or something similar. 
• Never live somewhere where you can't pee freely in your own backyard. (Sean's dad told Sean. Then Sean told me!)
• Whenever you're home alone, eat mac 'n' cheese with a glass of milk. If it worked for Kevin McCallister, it will work for you. 
• Never buy apples in bulk bags of 52. They're small, shitty, and the bag is like a bruise machine. 
• Salt is not the opposite of sugar. Nor is sugar the opposite of salt. 
• Don't have two beers and then sit on the bus for an hour. Your bladder is not that big.
• Listen to Nickelback just so you know that you should never listen to Nickelback. 
• Potato on pizza = Better than expected. 
• Call things by old names like 'worsted' and 'haberdashery' and 'nightertale' then people might think you're from the late middle ages (or even that you're an alien!). This is always a fun game. 
• Hate Florida until it gives you a reason to like it. 
• Hate mowing the lawn until it gives you a reason to like it.
• Be skinny because society tells you to. And....go!

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Do leprechauns make leprechaun-sized shoes or people-sized shoes? Don't go try telling me leprechauns don't exist. 
• Kine is the plural of cow‽‽
• Flo Rida is from Florida. See what he did there? 
• The next post will be in the form of Power Point Presentation. WOOOOOP!!!
• Shortbread is from the 12th century. Why the fuck are we still eating it? Bleck.
• WATCH THIS NOW PLEASE

The internetz is funny. Look:

While it says 'Resolved Question', there was no suitable answer at all. Hmm.

Gotta go. It's Saturday night and I'm obviously doing exciting things.

Laterzzzzz

Liz Tritops

xoxo