Bingo Is Ma Fave

On one of my last nights in Portland, my flatmate and I did something that we had been wanting to do for quite some time. Guess what it was? Bingo! There is this place just down the road from our old apartment which would have Bingo two or three times a week, but we had been so busy and important that we hadn't managed to make it.
On our last Tuesday in town, we dragged two other comrades along with us to try and compete with the best. It was actually too much fun.

Here are some things about Bingo:

• We only got there just in time so everyone was already there with their Bingo cards. I'm in a new environment AND I'm late. Fucking great. We had no idea how the procedures worked. Most of the old ladies looked very serious, and they were. They were also trying to be kind and help, but they rushed through the instructions like they were a piece of cake. Really, for us newbies, it wasn't so self-explanatory. There were 10 games, and they all had different shapes you needed to get to call BINGO and different things cost different amounts of money, and on the info sheet we were given, the instructions were like this: 'Straight Line Bingo (side pot) continuing to Pattern Game for prize (50 cents). Continues to First Blackout (quarters collected) and Second Blackout (free drink ticket).' Huh?
• The instruction sheet also said 'Tuesday Night East Portland #3256 Auxiliary Bingo' at the top. What the heck is 'Auxiliary Bingo'?
• Some people had five or six cards. Honestly, that's tricky. 
• Five or six cards is even more tricky if you play like I did during the first round. When they called things like 'I 19' I didn't realise that this meant '19' must be in the 'I' column. I was frantically looking over my three sheets in all the columns for the numbers. How was this so hard for me‽
• This left me thinking that I'm really not smart at Bingo.
• But then I thought, 'HEY! There are still nine more games! And I'm not NOT smart, yaknow?'
• We were given bread but it was really crusty, so we got crumbs all over the table. Good for us, bad for them. 
• 'Auxiliary Bingo' took place at an 'American Eagles' room or something. I think it's basically a club room for old people. It smelt slightly of racism, misunderstanding vegetarians, and prunes. There was weird eagle stuff everywhere. Like a creepy picture of an eagle head. And an eagle on the ceiling. And some more  eagle stuff. Then I saw a painting of a smiling bunny carrying balloons. Playing 'find the odd one out' had never been easier. This place was weird. 
• I know it was cold outside, but the announcer lady (let's just call her Ethel, okay?) was wearing a Christmas sweater in March. 
• She was nice, though, and it was a great sweater. She also knew how to entice the crowd with her prizes which she got from the supermarket. This is Ethel announcing one of prize sets: "Whoever wins this 'five around the corner' can have some shrimp and a salad, or this little barbie doll that I got on sale at Fred Meyer." Choice. There was loud clapping.
• Everyone loves to clap at Bingo. 
• Ethel would often say things like "It's a hot bed!" or "It's heating up in here!" 
• Someone won fish and chips, and it seemed to be the most coveted prize. An old man pointed and yelled "SHE GOT THE FISH AND CHIPS!!" at the lady that won. I think he was actually slightly angry about it. So that was great. 
• There was in obese lady named Tracy in an electric scooter. She won a cake, but then Ethel asked her if she would rather have diet candy instead. I don't know if this is sweet or embarrassing. 
• Bingo must be great for old people, because you don't need to remember anything. In fact, it's probably great if you DO forget things, because then you can just focus on the cards and not worry about what your grandchildren are called.  
• My lawyer friend won $38 and screamed 'Yay! Bus money! I'm so broke, this is awesome!', so go America for being out of the recession. AND Paige won a fluffy blanket (probably also brought from Fred Meyer on sale). 
• When we left, an old lady said to us "Nice to see you girls, even if you did win all our cotton-picking money!"  
• I didn't win anything. Some people might say Bingo is gambling so therefore it is bad. Maybe. Maybe not. I think I spent, like, $5. And did I get $5 worth of fun out of it? Heck yes I did.
• You should all find where the old people in your hood hang, or just gatecrash a retirement home. Bingo is exciting, and surprisingly nerve-racking. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• I need to find out what old people do for fun in Korea. Maybe it's as fun as Bingo.
• I've flossed my teeth everyday for a month. I just want you to know that. 
• There's a breed of dog called the 'Karelian Bear Dog'. It doesn't look like a bear AND a dog. It just looks like a dog. It can be used to hunt bears, so that's a bit confusing. 

Here's a video because it's Monday:

(Well, not just 'coz it's Monday. I do this every time.

Gosh. I wish I could get this excited about things. Like Mondays.) 

Have a great week. 

Loveyoubye

Liz Tritops

xoxo