I'm Getting Better At Life

Today it's raining and I feel like a bit of sharing. 
I wrote a list of things that I used to do or used to believe. They are kinda stupid. I even tried to make it in chronological order for you guys!

• One of my biggest financial regrets was buying a Furby. You may think this was no biggie, but when you take into account my savings, income, potential earnings, and liquidity, wank wank wank, it's all bad news bears. At the end of the day, I had a toy that I hated and I still had stingy parents. Of corse I vehemently defended my decision to buy the Furby.  
• I believed in bright blue eyeshadow for a while. This was quite bad, but unlike many girls, I realised that you can have too many of those little shitty plastic butterfly clips. 
• So...for far too long I believed in Noah's Ark. I mean it is fun to believe. This guy had ALL the animals; David Attenborough would have creamed himself.
• I used to think that pirate LEGO was the best. 
• I still do!!! 
• When I was 12 I believed in socialism for just a few weeks. That was a strange phase. I think I did it just to piss off Steve. That's my dad. I might write about him one day. 
• I honestly thought that olives shouldn't be eaten. By me. Or anyone else. Because if I can't enjoy it, no one else should. 
• I thought there was no better pet than a cat. There is. It's called a dog. Here's one eating cabbage. 
• 'Food is negative calories when consumed after dark or with alcohol'. Sometimes I still think this. 
• I thought tea was bad just because it wasn't coffee. 
• I believed everything that I read in Dolly magazine. Here are some lessons from this: Lesson 1: All woman are beautiful all of the time. Lesson 2: 'How to look thin for summer and boys' or 'How to slap all this shit on your face so you don't actually look like yourself anymore'. Lesson 3: Interactive activity! This is where you can take a flowchart type thingy to learn what kind  of girl you are. Because why be yourself when you can be a label?                                                                                          All of this may or may not have left me with a confusing sense of self-worth. 
• While in high school I liked to think that I had better taste in music than the masses. I wasn't a musical sheep. Baaa. I did this weird thing though, where I felt that it was necessary to put lyrics from some of my favourite artists all over this one folder that I would carry with me everywhere. I tended to go for the most angst-y lyrics possible. Look at me, world, I have so much angst! And boy did I show them! 
• I had an awful boyfriend when I was 17. There were many terrible things about him, but one thing that was particularly bad was the smell of his pants. It was like that funky smell that you get in your clothes when they don't dry/air-out properly, but they also kinda smelt metallic. I thought this was okay for some reason. 
• I will study harder next term! 
• A few years ago I was all about the hippie pants. I thought they made me look worldly and would make me feel comfortable. Really, they just made me look like a slob. But I was a comfortable slob! 
• I liked t-shirts with 'witty' phrases.
• OMG I loved Ed Hardy. lol jk. 
• I was convinced that organisation was exponentially beneficial. No no no no no. Making lists about making lists and having meetings about having meetings will never produce anything tangible except more lists and empty coffee cups. 
• One day I was in the tropics and I had a terrible time with a banana. Then I didn't eat bananas for a whole year. That was dumb. 

Other thoughts from me this week:

• There are parks in this country that have these 'inversion table' things. I often call them 'upside-down-bench-thingies'. I like them heaps. My friend thinks that this means I have autism because I like the vestibular motion. I think that he's smart, but sometimes he's wrong. 
• Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has given everyone unrealistic expectations about the tour of any chocolate factory. Anywhere. Forever. 
• Recently I saw a guy vomit on the subway. That was kinda up there. He was hungover/still drunk. It reminded me of the time when I chundered in a gondola for the same reason. I felt like I should have told him about this and then maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone. 

Here's a video which I hand-picked for you:

Okay. That's all.

Cheerio

Liz Tritops

xoxo

LizPoints 2.0

I have had to revise my old points system because I'm so freakin' dynamic and all about adapting.
I used to play a really fun game where if enough of a my pre-determined, unlikely and/or awesome things happened in one day, then I got me some icecream. It was more fun than a pillow fight in a tree hut. This game has become outdated and I need to upgrade to LizPoints 2.0. It really is like a little window would periodically pop-up in my brain. It looked like this:

For ages, I clicked the middle box. Recently I have realised how many potential treats I am missing out on. Here is how LizPoints 2.0 works:

For each of the following, I accrue one point: 

• Arriving at work at exactly half-past. 
• A child that I dislike immensely doesn't come to class. 
• Seeing a Korean with a pet dog that isn't tiny. 
• Finishing a TV series. There is nothing quite like that strange combination of accomplishment and emptiness that comes after a Netflix binge. Why not numb the pain with a point. 
• Eating a mango coconut smoothie with bubble.
• Seeing a Korean with an alternative hairstyle. 
• Getting an exciting thing in the mail. 
• Seeing a couple wearing matching outfits. 

Some things from my old points system are still current. Here they are:

• Seeing an animal which I have never seen before. Let's go to the zoo!
• Waking up just before my alarm goes off. JUST before. 
• Running when it's dark and I not get attacked by clowns, rapists, or drop bears.
• Thinking about someone who I never see and then I see them on the same day!
• Saying hello to a new dog that I haven't said hello to before.
• Seeing someone in a pinstripe suit. 
• Seeing someone smoke a cigar.

NB: You cannot accrue more than one point for any given activity. Example: Seeing two alternative hairstyles in the same day does not win you two points. 

If I earn 10 points in a day, I get a prize. 

The Prize:

Mango coconut smoothie with bubble. You may notice that I get a point when I have one of these anyway. So, if I'm already on nine points for the day, all I need to do is drink one of these guys and then I get another one pronto. Nice tactical move on my part. 

I love mango. I love coconut. I love bubble. I love smoothie. 
And that was my story.

They say with 'bubble' because why add an 's' to pluralise anything? And why not make up words like 'pluralise'?

Other thoughts from me this week:

• Tomorrow I'm going camping. Korean style. This is probably where there is a dairy 10 minutes walk away. 
• I really like the smell of tent. I'm sure some people think it's mildew-y and gross, but hey, these are probably the same kind of people who brush their teeth in the shower. I think tents smell like freedom and spooning.  
• I really hope I wake up and I don't remember which way the tent is facing. I don't get that kind of disorientation everyday. Like if I went outside everyday and forgot which way my apartment had been facing. That would be messed up. 
• I need more brunch dates in my life. NEVER. STOP. BRUNCHING. 

Hey guys. If you want to waste your time on something, then pick this:

LOVEYOUBYE

Liz Tritops

xoxo

Why Is This So Hard?!

I haven't been able to blog recently. I tried, but nothing happened. When I was at uni, I would get bored of learning about supply and demand so I would write. When I was in Portland I was surrounded by strange people and it made me want to write about them and myself, and the things that they made me think about. Portland is so weird. A lot of the people there try so hard for the city to not be middle America. Let's love 'soccer' and be overly-outspoken Atheists!  Then you would see someone ride past naked on a bike and nek minnit, you're drowning in Kale chips, feeling all inspired and shit. 
I came to a country where there's not much conforming to anti-conformity. I stopped feeling creative and I think I even got a little bit boring. Everything stopped.

Here's what I've done instead of writing:

- Become better at napping.
- Eat even less things that come from animals.
- Develop some new insecurities. Thanks, Korea.
- Try not to give a fuck.
- Hate Seoul a few times and then start to like it. Somewhat.
- Learn that white rice works okay for Koreans but not for me. 
- Experience 'pedestrian rage' like never before.

Recently I started making lists again and I even made a flowchart, too! 

Here is my list of things that are really quite hard for me when they probably shouldn't be. I hope they are also hard for you or otherwise I am actually special.

• Spelling 'd-e-f-i-n-i-t-e-l-y'. This website might help. Or it might not. 
• Taking clothing off in the car. 
• Resisting reading the comments on a YouTube video. I fail, and subsequently lose any faith in humanity again.
• Habitually disposing of empty gum wrappers. Yeah so right now I probably have a collection of 22 and a half in my handbag. Shit is WILD in thurr. 
• Remembering where the deodorant is when away on holiday. 
• Recounting a dream and making it sound interesting. Most likely, nobody cares. 
• Finding a can-opener that does what it is supposed to. They are supposed to open cans. Often, they don't. 
• Finding a manly man who tweets. Just because. 
• Listening to just one power ballad.
• Flossing daily.
• Not eating ALL the peanut butter when there is nobody around to judge. 
• Having less than 4 tabs open at any given time. I like to think I can achieve all the things, all the time.  Right now, this is what I'm working with. 

• But really...are eskimos flammable?  
• Washing my stuffed animal more than once every three years. 

Other Thoughts From Me:

• Sometimes I like things that are coloured like animals. Example: Black and yellow socks. Then I can feel a little bit like a bee. This may or may not help me in life. 
• I want to say things like "Do you all have a copy of the agenda?" and "Let's set up some parameters." but I don't even want a job like that. 
• Where are the tree huts in my life. 

This is quite cute. WATCH IT! 

Mischief managed, guys

Thanks for reading. I will post more often now coz I feel like it again. Really.

Liz Triceratops

xoxo